Movie theater owners all shat up a “PHEW!” last November when Jamie Dornan said that his todger would not be making a cameo in Fifty Shades Of Shit. They were relieved because the sight of Jamie Dornan’s soft uncut dick swinging back and forth on the big screen like a butterfly trying to get out of its cocoon would make every horny, middle-aged mom scoot her twat along her seat, and everything would have to be reupholstered. Jamie’s dick not making an appearance in Fifty Shades is bad news for us, but good news for theater owners. Jamie continued to talk about his peen in the new issue British GQ (via Lainey Gossip).
While talking about shooting sex scenes, Jamie says that his down low parts were tucked into one of those peen socks:
“Your dignity is intact as much as it’s all tucked away in a little flesh-coloured bag… As a guy you put all your essentials in a little bag and you tie it up like a little bag of grapes and it’s tucked away. Its quite a peculiar thing to do every day.”
Jamie also got into how he learned that the S&M life isn’t all darkness and seriousness:
“In the course of researching this character, I have seen the reality very closely. I can tell you from an alarmingly first-hand perspective it’s not altogether sexy. But I’ve been in a dungeon with a lukewarm beer while a dominant has had some fun with his submissive and it was very playful and jovial and not at all dark and serious. There was a lot of laughter…”
It’s funny he should say that, because I’m sure many of us are going to throw up an ocean of HAHAHAs while watching his S&M scenes in Fifty Shades. But back to his peen and huevos….
So is he saying that when he put his parts in a “little bag,” it looked like a sack full of grapes? I need a visual. This is the best picture I could find of grapes in a little bag.
Hmmm. Yeah, I’ll still find a way to fap to that.
If you hear on the news later that a desperate, deranged, slobbering skinny fat gay was arrested at a Trader Joe’s in California after he was caught rubbing his bare ass all over the little bags of grapes in the produce section, print out this post and give it to my court-appointed attorney. It may help my insanity defense.