Well, it really happened. Our slut sensei (slutsei?) and peen-chasing idol, Cameron Diaz, is officially out of the game and has hung her vagina up on Benji Madden’s dick for now. Cameron had a legendary run and she did us mega sluts proud, but I guess there comes a time in every slut’s life when they have to let their fuck parts breathe a bit and settle down. This is why I weep. Leonardo DiCaprio better not even think of settling down, because he’s the slut hero we need now more than ever!
Earlier when Allison wrote about how florists and shit were setting up at Cameron’s house in Beverly Hills, I thought that maybe just maybe she would realize that there’s more peen in the sea, get cold
feet cooch and pull a Runaway Bride. But that didn’t happen. Cameron really did get married to the dude who wet humped on Parasite Hilton regularly. Benji and Cameron have been doing each other full-time since May and they got engaged 2 seconds ago. They gave this statement to People:
“We couldn’t be happier to begin our new journey together surrounded by our closest family and friends.”
Begin our new journey together?! What kind of lovey-dovey shit?
UsWeekly says that Cameron’s bridesmaids were Drew Barrymore, her new sister-in-law Nicole Richie, her assistant and her sister Chimène. (Side note: Cameron may be the richest Diaz sister, but Chimène is the Diaz sister with the hottest first name.) Benji and Cameron’s guests included Goopy Paltrow, Samantha Ronson, Robin Antin, Reese Witherspoon and a bunch of other rich Hollywood types who can party hard on a Monday night without worrying about calling in sick to their job the next day.
Congratulations to Cameron and Benji. And congratulations to psychology students specializing in dickmatization. They now have a case to write their thesis about.