Macklemore Announced That He’s Going To Be A Dad By Posting A Video Of His Fiancee Getting An Ultrasound

January 3, 2015 / Posted by:

And today I learned that Macklemore’s real name is “Ben”. Yes, I thought his government name was Macklemore, and no, I’m not smart. Yesterday there was a rumor going around that Macklemore, the Gus from Recess-looking rapper than Drake hates, had knocked up his fiancee Tricia Davis. And today, rather than releasing a statement confirming that yes, his boner did in fact make a baby, he’s decided to prove it to us by releasing a sappy video of their first ultrasound. Aw, listen to me being a cynical bitch; it wasn’t that sappy. Sure, the music sounded like it was ripped from a Thinking of You Christian e-card, but the rest is sweet. It’s the miracle of life, starring that dude from the “Thrift Shop” song!

Now, I’m not sure if I’m in the minority here, but ultrasounds always give me the creeps. Not the actual ultrasound pictures – I like those. They look like someone took a baby alien to the mall and propped them up inside a SketchExpress photo booth. It’s that weird gel they use on the stomach. I don’t know why they coat your gut in grease, but they do, and it always makes it look like the nurse is using a stud finder on a roast turkey, and I am NOT into it. I’m getting the heaves just thinking about my stomach covered in that much slime (“Prude” hissed all the sluts at home).

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