Archives: January 2015

Night Crumbs

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Cameron Diaz and her husband Benji Madden (Note: It feels weird typing that) touched lips on the Kiss Cam at the Lakers game last night. Are we really sure they’re touching lips? Are we sure that she isn’t chewing off that jacked up pube beard on his face? – Lainey Gossip 

Helena Christensen and her extra arms look hot in Marie Claire MehicoDrunken Stepfather

GoDaddy’s marketing department prematurely released a Super Bowl commercial they knew would get people pissed off and then toasted with crystal flutes full of puppy tears when they got the attention they wanted – Celebitchy

NeNe Leakes got her lawyers to throw a cease and desist letter at Kenya Moore. But what I want to know is , when are lawyers for Claudia Jordan’s clit going to send a cease and desist letter to NeNe Leakes? – Reality Tea

Kelly Bensimon’s titty sacks are still at war and want to be nowhere near each other – WWTDD

Lance Bass and his husband talk about their E! wedding special, but didn’t answer my only question: Is your wedding special going to have full frontal of what? – Towleroad

Jessica Alba’s ass looks like this when she works out – The Superficial

Jessica Alba’s ass looks like this next to a carton of coconut water - Hollywood Tuna

Elizabeth Olsen is giving me Republican politician’s wife in House of Cards glamour – Popoholic

Bet your house, car and EVERYTHING you own on the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl, because Teddy Bear is the Miss Cleo of porcupines and is never wrong – The Berry

That gambling millionaire douche from Instagram has a peen and it looks like this, if you haven’t seen it – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Florence Henderson is getting that Florida dick – Gawker

Amal Clooney reports for photo-op duty – Popsugar

Madonna killed Taylor SwiftICYDK

Please tell me either Jon Hamm or Chris Pine is playing Bradley Cooper’s fuck buddy in the Wet Hot American Summer series – Just Jared

Leave it to Nancy Grace to make Dr. Drew look reasonable – Jezebel

We already know that Ewan McGregor has a big dick, but I’m thankful to Colin Farrell for reminding everyone – (NSFW) MNPP

Riff Raff looks like a grown up Garbage Pail Kid on roids and meth. But would you hit it? – HuffPo

Pic: Getty

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Open Post: Hosted By Justin Bieber Looking Hotter Than Ever

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

The come-to-life Magic Diaper Baby doll that is Justin Bieber left a hair salon in West Hollywood yesterday covering most of his head and I’m guessing that’s because he didn’t want the paps to see his hot new haircut (a neon green half bowl cut with the profile of Usher’s dick shaved into the side). Or maybe he’s not covering his head at all. Maybe he’s just casually carrying the booster cushions he brings with him to salons because he hates sitting on the booster seats that dozens of peasant toddler butts have touched. He’s a snob like that. And if he’s trying to do an impersonation of all of us when one of his songs comes on, he nailed it!

Pics: Wenn.com

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Bruce Jenner’s “Journey” Will Be An E! Reality Show

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

When Kummy Kakes said Bruce Jenner was on a “journey” and said that he’ll tell his story, she meant to say that he’ll tell his story in front of E!’s cameras as soon as Pimp Mama Kris finishes brokering the deal and gets as much money as possible.

TMZ and UsWeekly says that for months and months E!’s cameras have been following Bruce around as he slowly begins to change his outside. TMZ’s post is very vague and they didn’t come out and say that Bruce is physically transitioning into a woman, but UsWeekly did. One of Bruce Jenner’s “friends” tells UsWeekly (via Gossip Cop) that he has been seeing doctors and is ready to go public with his transition. The friend says that Bruce was ready to fully let out his inner woman in 1990, but Pimp Mama Kris being the evil killer of dreams and hopes that she is, told him not do to it. But now that he’s no longer married to the mutated fart of Lucifer that possessed a wax Michael Jackson figure, he can let his hair down and live life. via Gossip Cop

Jenner is said to be now taking estrogen hormones, even as soon-to-be ex-wife Kris has “refused to accept the truth.” Us Weekly says the momager remains in “denial,” and quotes its source as saying “she has made no attempts to understand” what Jenner is going through.

In addition to what Us Weekly says is a “tell-all interview,” the magazine reports Jenner will also have an E! show “highlighting his desire to live as a woman and look like one.”

TMZ says that Kim, Khloe, Kourtney Kendall, Kylie, Krusty, Kweefy and whatever the other ones names are support Bruce, but PMK “lost it” at one point while he talked to his family about the changes in his life. How can she lose it when she never had it?

I never totally bought into the rumors that Bruce is transitioning. Part of me figured that Bruce subscribed to Siegfried and Roy’s brand of man glamour and discovered a love for having flowing locks and plumped up lips. But if it is true and he is showing his transition in front of the cameras, then I really can’t wait for the scene where Bruce breaks the black magic spell that PMK put on him by telling her that he’s going to do what he wants to do and she screams while melting into a puddle of black sludge. That’s going to be Emmy worthy.

And here’s PMK and Kendull Jenner at LAX yesterday.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Johnny Depp Knows Mortdecai Sucked And He Might Quit His Agent

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Human clothing donation bin Johnny Depp has made some incredibly shitty movies lately. For every What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, there’s 8 Dark Shadows. His latest crap sandwich of course is Mortdecai, a movie that appears to be a 2-hour long moustache commercial starring Johnny Depp doing a lazy impression of Steve Martin’s Inspector Clouseau. Well, it appears Mortdecai might be the poop that broke the camel’s diaper (whatever the hell that means), because Page Six says he’s considering quitting his agent of 27 years Tracey Jacobs.

Johnny has been with Tracey and United Talent Agency since he was on 21 Jump Street (that’s the definition of a ride or die bitch, in my option), but he’s allegedly “devastated” over his recent string of flops at the box office and thinks it might be time to move on before he makes another Transcendence or The Tourist. And according to a source, he’s approached ScarJo and Leo DiCaprio’s manager Rick Yorn. You know, because a dude who convinces you to do We Bought A Zoo or The Great Gatsby would never steer you wrong. Of course, when asked about the possibility of Johnny breaking up with Tracey, Johnny’s spokesperson Robin Baum said “This is not correct information…this is not true.

Maybe Johnny is quitting Tracey and wants to keep this all on the low, or maybe that source has busted ears and heard him wrong? Maybe Johnny was referring to how devastated he was after he forgot his floppy hat in a box at the office. Or maybe it was all just druggy pirate talk, like when he told reporters earlier today that he was attacked by a chupacabra.

Here’s Johnny at a photocall for Mortdecai in Tokyo today looking like he’d rather be at a soap and shower convention than still be promoting this shit:

Pics: Wenn.com

The 25-Year-Old Blossom Who Is Married To An 82-Year-Old Billionaire Swears She’s Not A Gold Digger

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Last September, one-time Playboy model and German rose Cathy Schmitz was inducted into the upper echelons of the Gold Digger Hall of Fame when she became the fifth wife of old ass Austrian billionaire Richard Lugner whose kind of famous for paying famous messes (see: Kim Kartrashian, Parasite Hilton, Brigitte Nielsen, etc…) to be his date to the Vienna Opera Ball. Cathy and Richard dated for 7 months before legally uniting their love. 25-year-old Cathy and 82-year-old Sugar Grandaddy Richard were on Britain’s This Morning (via The Daily Mail) yesterday to push their reality special for Channel 5 called Age Gap Love and she pretty much stole Anna Nicole Smith’s flavor when she said that she married for love, not money. Uh huh, and I drink a disgusting, vomit-inducing, Jolly Green Giant jizz-tasting green protein shake for breakfast instead of a buttered Pop Tart because I actually like the taste and not because my doctor told me I have to stop eating like I’m one of Mama June’s poor children.

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Sam Smith Says He’ll Give His Grammy To Beyonce If He Wins Album Of The Year

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Sam Smith, seen above looking like George Michael fucked Harley Davidson Barbie, is currently nominated for six Grammy awards, one of which is Album of the Year. Sam Smith is up against four other nominees, but as we all know, the only one who counts is her majesty  Beyonce. And during an interview with Rolling Stone, he confessed that if the Illuminati were to accidentally write SAM SMITH on the envelope containing the name of the winner of Album of the Year instead of BEYONCE, he would give his Grammy to Beyonce. Yes, Sam Smith is a hard-core member of the Beyhive.

“She deserves it way more than I do. I’d be embarrassed if I got it over her. If I got it, I’d give it to her.”

Meanwhile, in a giant gilded pyramid perched high atop a mountain of money, her majesty Beyonce just whispered to Blue IvyAwww, that’s cute – he thinks we live in a world where Beyonce would ever take someone’s sloppy seconds.” Besides, Sam Smith should know that Beyonce would never lose an award to someone not named Beyonce.

And Beyonce’s wasn’t the only ass Sam Smith kissed in Rolling Stone. Sam Smith also saved a couple smooches for Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Adele, and Justin Bieber:

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Joel Grey Publicly Comes Out

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Never mind his shifty chihuahua Miguelito throwing us a look like, “I know, he’s acting like this is new information.

Oscar and Tony-winning treasure and the original Emcee from Cabaret Joel Grey (born name: Joel David Katz) tells People that labels aren’t for him, but if he had to do that he’d label himself as a gay man. Joel was married to actress Jo Wilder from 1958 to 1982 and they made two kids together, James Katz and Baby Houseman (aka Jennifer Grey). Joel says that he’s always gotten the tingles for chicks and dudes, but it took him a while to be honest with himself about his love of guys. Joel says that he’s been out to his family and friends for years, but he has never publicly said that yes, he is a friend of Dorothy’s daughter, but he’s also a friend of Dorothy as well. (Side note: While doing research for this post, as a serious  journalist does,, I learned this hilarious and crazy fact about “the friend of Dororthy” phrase.) As the gay community sings “willkommen, bienvenue” to Joel, he said this to People:

“I don’t like labels, but if you have to put a label on it, I’m a gay man. All the people close to me have known for years who I am. Yet] it took time to embrace that other part of who I always was.”

Baby Houseman also said some words to People about her father coming out at this point in his life:

“I feel very happy for my dad that he has come to a point in his life where he feels safe and comfortable enough to declare himself in a public way as a gay man. Mostly because the more people are free to own their true nature and can hopefully come closer to love and accept themselves as they really are, no matter what age, no matter how long it takes, to finally be free of the lies or half truths, it is freedom.”

Joel Grey is 82 years old and proves that you’re never ever too old to let it be known that you love man nalgas and peen. It’s never too late. And if that last sentence was an action, it’d be a double wink at John Travolta.

Pic: Twitter

The “Emile Hirsch Was A Mess At Sundance” Story Just Got Messier

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Emile Hirsch, an actor type who we haven’t really heard much of since the mid-2000s, is currently giving us a reason to say the name “Emile Hirsch“, but not for the reason he (and I’m sure his agent) would like. On Monday, it was reported that Emile Hirsch had gotten physical with a female Paramount Pictures executive at a club at the Sundance Film Festival, but not much else was known besides the fact that it was messy and the cops were called. Two days later, Page Six has the details, and this shit is pretty trashy.

Page Six says it all went down at 3:30am on Sunday morning at Tao Nightclub. According to a source, 29-year-old Emile, who is at Sundance to promote his film Ten Thousand Saints, was apparently drunk as hell and started “aggressively picking on” 31-year-old Paramount executive Dani Bernfeld. The source claims Emile suddenly snapped, and “pushed Dani up against a table, and then he put her in a headlock.” Another source, who refers to what Emile did as a “chokehold”, adds:

“He attacked her from behind — he completely blindsided her after he’d been shit-talking and was already led away from her once.”

Eventually the police were called and a witness says Emile calmly explained the situation and wasn’t arrested. Park City police are currently investigating the incident and are deciding if charges should be filed. Uh, I’m no lawyer, but I’d say “being a drunk disaster and putting someone in a chokehold” is still an arrestable offense, right?

And how the fuck did this trashy shit happen at the Sundance Film Festival? I always thought that out of all the film festivals, Venice was the classy grandma, Cannes was the messy drunk aunt, Toronto was the low-budget brother, and Sundance was the chill cabin-dwelling cousin. Damn Sundance, what happened? You’ve turned into the drunk uncle who puts you in a headlock. Robert Redford, get your film festival together.

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RuPaul’s Drag Race Will Be Mostly Santino Rice-Less Next Season

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Since season 6 of RuPaul’s Drag Race ended, it feels like we’ve all had dozens of birthdays, the Duggars have birthed out 90 more children and we all have grey pubes. It feels like it’s been decades since Drag Race has graced our screens. To quote Old Rose in Titanic: “It’s been 84 years…” But bitch is finally come back.

On March 2nd, Drag Race will serve up more C.U.N.T. (charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent) but they’ll do it without Santino Ross there to look the queens up and down with his droopy dog eyes. Drag Race is cutting out a whole lot of Rice from their diet for season 7. Santino Rice has been replaced by Carson Kressley and Ross Matthews, the dude who holds the Guinness World Record for being called “mam” at fast food drive-thrus at least two thousand times. Carson and Ross at the same judges’ table?! If Ru wanted to put together the most hyper humans on Earth, she needs to give herself a victory pat on the taint, because she achieved her mission. RIP to my TV speakers, because Ross and Carson are going to blow those whores out. If Ross and Carson ever argue at the judges’ table, it’s going to sound like the time I was in TopShop at The Grove and some chick’s Pomeranian and Chihuahua started fighting in her purse. I’m guessing future Celebrity Big Brother UK winner Michelle Visage kept a rhinestone-encrusted taser at her side just in case she needed to tame those hyper bitches.

Santino Rice will be back as a guest judge, though. Other guests judges are: original judge Merle Ginsburg, Ariana Grande Latte, John Waters, Olivia Newton-John, Rebecca Romjin, Jessica Alba, Demi Lovato, Scary Spice, Tamar Braxon, Kathy Griffin, Isaac Mizrahi, Kat Dennings, Michael Urie, Rachael Harris, Alyssa Milano, Lucian Pine and Jordin Sparks.

They had me at Olivia. Newton. John. And I’m surprised Isaac Mizrahi found time to guest judge in between teaching astronomy classes at MIT.

via Entertainment Weekly

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