Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 31, 2014 / Posted by:

Almaden Golden Chablis! 

Since I am a refined and sophisticated connoisseur of all things luxurious, I’m going to spend my New Year’s Eve at a glamorous and exclusive party attended by glamorous and exclusive people (read: my dog and his chewed-up, slobbered-on chew toys) at a fabulous penthouse apartment (read: my couch) where I will nibble on Bulgarian Beluga caviar (read: StarKist tuna) from a freshly made Russian blini (read: a Ritz cracker) while being entertained by a world-class orchestra (read: the best of Starship playing on my laptop). Of course at midnight I will toast to another year of pure opulence with a Baccarat crystal flute (read: the Courtney Stodden mug Allison got me for Christmas) full of the finest champagne (read:  Andre) money can buy (read: $4 and a ClubBev! card), but before then I will drink a vintage French wine from Burgundy (read: a 2-month-old jug of chablis) during cocktail hour (read: the time before I drink a bottle of Andre and pass out for the night).

When I was a young gay in the 80s, I thought that golden chablis from Almaden, which still exists today, was the classiest shit available in a bottle. The word “chablis” epitomizes elegance and class, and anything and anyone who holds that name must also epitomize elegance and class. The Lady Chablis is proof of that. Whenever I say the word “chablis,” it feels like diamond dust is sweeping across my tongue. One probably feels that same sensation while eating out Dame Joan Collins.

Believe it or not, I’ve never had turpentine mixed with cat piss and rotten grapes, but I’m sure it tastes a lot like Almaden golden chablis. But even though it tastes like dirty pennies, it still does the trick  (aka get you buzzed) and transports you to a classier place. The commercial had everything you could ever want from an 80s wine commercial. This commercial is why I thought Almaden golden chablis was class personified. I mean, a grand piano, soft amber lighting, organza curtains, white pedestals, ladies wearing black liquid eyeliner AND British accents. This is extravagance:

And since we’re on the subject of elegance and chablis. While researching Almaden golden chablis, I found this masterpiece commercial from the 70s for pink chablis by Gallo Wines, the Kings of Chablis.

Happy New Year, everyone! Be a prince or princess, pour some chablis tonight!

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