Open Post: Hosted By Jan Terri As The Virgin Mary
Leave it to the legendary chanteuse and former HSOTW Jan Terri to tell the real story of the birth of the baby Jesus in a video for her 90s disco version of “Ave Maria.” Religious historians who have spent decades studying the birth of Jesus need to wipe away everything they’ve learned and have a seat, because Jan Terri is here to teach them exactly how it went down.
One day as the Virgin Terri prayed in the middle of a computerized village that looked like the old world version of Myst, a cigar-smoking, Al Bundy-like angel descended from the heavens and gave her a CASE OF THE BABIES by hitting her belly with some hot pink bacon rays. Months later, the Virgin Terri and a friend walked through the desert while she wore a pink Snuggie she bought at a Black Friday sale at Linens ‘N Things. (Yes, Black Friday existed before Christmas.) The Virgin Terri eventually made it to the manger where she gave birth to a baby doll she named Jesus. She celebrated the birth of our messiah by dancing with her bass-playing friend. The Virgin Terri didn’t have time for motherly stuff because she had to spread peace in the world. She ascended up into space and stopped a war and destroyed satellites with hot pink bacon rays that shot out of her hands. That is the real story. Behold:
Thank you, Jan Terri, for blessing us with the true story of Christmas! And thank you lord for the gift of Jan Terri!