Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 20, 2014 / Posted by:

Gobblestix!

Dlisted reader Andrew wrote me the other day and asked me if I’ve ever had something called Gobblestix. Gobblestix was a new one to me. Since my brain tissue is shaped like a peen, I immediately thought he was threatening me with a good time and made a note to add “Have you ever had a Gobblestix?” to my list of Grindr pick-up lines. But Andrew was talking about a processed turkey parts stick from the 90s called Gobblestix. I used my journalistic skills to find as much information about Gobblestix as possible (read: I did a 4 second Google search) and I couldn’t find much.

They were put out by the Jennie-O Turkey Store (who later merged with Whoremel) in the 90s and lasted a few years. They came in flavors like cheese, pizza and honey. I guess they were supposed to be the new string cheese, but that didn’t really happen. I’d like to think that I’m an 80s and 90s snack connoisseur, but I don’t remember these at all. Either Gobblestix never made their way to Southern California or I blocked that memory out.

But I’m glad I know about them now. Because the next time I’m eating an uncooked turkey dog and someone throws me a judgmental look of disgust, I can say, “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not a raw hot dog. It’s a Gobblestix! Educate yourself.”

Here’s the commercial which couldn’t be more 90s if it featured Clarissa Darling shooting Blossom with a Super Soaker.

Those burp sounds really sell it.

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