Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Jordan James Parke, the delicate and demure British rosebud who injected gallons of fillers into his petals to look like his beauty idol Kim Kardashian. Err, Jordan James Parke looks more like the baby that was pulled out of Harald Glööckler 9 months after his rhinestone-covered ovary eggs (yes, Harald has rhinestone-covered ovary eggs) were inseminated with the essence of Kylie Jenner. In other words, JJP looks a million times more gorgeous, stunning and glamorous than the dumpster mannequin he idolizes!

We all have goals and aspirations in life. Some hos want to be doctors, some want to take down a stupid movie starring Seth Rogen and James Franco, some, like me, are just trying to get through the day without punching a trick while bawling, and then there’s Jordan James Parke. JJP’s goal in life is to slowly kill his internal organs and brain cells with the gallons upon gallons of Botox and other fillers he injects into his body to look like Kim K. Yesterday, I got sucked into a hole of potent elegance when The Mirror pointed me toward the Instagram page of Kummy Kakes’ superfan JJP. Now I know how Michelle Duggar’s gynecologist feels, because my eyes landed on picture after picture of JJP’s prolapsed uterus lips.

JJP, a 23-year-old makeup artist from England, tells The Sun (via The Daily Mail) that to him, Kummy Kakes is the most gorgeous woman in the world and he wants to look like her. (Side note: If you’re a medical researcher who is currently doing a study on whether or not the overuse of Botox causes blindness and severe lapses in judgement, you got your answer!) JJP claims that he’s spent $150,000 on 50 procedures (Botox, lip fillers, cheek fillers, laser hair removal, veneers, etc…) to look like Pimp Mama Kris’ prized heifer. Every cholita is probably shaking out of her Dickies while looking at that picture, because she’s afraid the world’s supply of Sharpies will soon be depleted if he keeps doing his exquisite eyebrows like that. But don’t worry, they’re tattooed on!

JJP also plans on getting a nose job and he doesn’t care what the GEL-IZ H8RS think about his plastic chola duckling look. He’s not trying to look natural:

“I laugh when people try to insult me by telling me I look plastic or fake. Do they think I’m going for the natural look? If I was, I’d ask for my money back.”

Haters obviously have tight assholes, because they wish they had lips that look like the prolapsed anus of a seasoned power bottom.

LIPSHSOTD2014

Kim K 2.0 isn’t only a beauty icon who makes us all wish we looked like a mash-up of Pete Burns and a baby bald eagle, he’s also a philosopher. Here’s some words of wisdom from him:

“Don’t let anyone with bad eyebrows tell you shit about life”

Preach, JJP, and keep reaching for the, um, stars!

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