Since St. Angie will be soaking in a calamine lotion bath until she finally gives in and uses her saintly powers to perform a miracle on herself and cure her chicken pox, someone had to go to the Unbroken premiere in Hollywood last night and represent the First Family of Heaven. I guess the twin messiahs were busy teaching the sun to shine brighter and that fierce HBIC in training Zahara couldn’t be bothered leaving the giant diamond she sleeps on, because St. Angie’s replacements were Brad Pitt, Pax Jolie-Pitt, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, and OG Maddox Jolie-Pitt. And they all dressed in matching suits! Well, all of them except for Brad, who decided to fuck a shirt and tie and went for the sleazy aging club promoter look with a wide-neck black t-shirt and gold chain instead. And what is with Brad and those damn sunglasses? Bitch, you ain’t Bono!
Personally, I think it’s adorable that St. Angie’s Lil’ Angels all wore matching suits. They look like at any moment, they’re going to leave the red carpet and take their golden chariot to the suburbs and spend the rest of the evening ringing people’s doorbells and asking them if they’ve accepted St. Angie as their skinny-armed lord and savior. Meanwhile, Brad looks like he’s about to bum $100 off Maddox so he can “split” and head for the Pink Taco on Sunset for some “taco nachos”. And no, that’s not a euphemism; he’s high as hell and wants $100 worth of shitty nachos.
Here’s more of The Heart Family of Heaven, as well as Brapi’s parents, and everyone else at the Unbroken premiere: