File under: Slow News Day And I Mean That In More Ways That One.
I don’t know how that tortoise ended up on its back. Maybe it’s my kind of slutty tortoise and after it had a missionary-style quickie in the bushes with another slutty tortoise, it couldn’t get up and its fuck buddy left without helping a ho out. Whatever the case may be, that tortoise is lucky to have a friend who always has its Captain-Save-A-Ho cap on. Someone visiting the Taipei Zoo in Taiwan took this thrilling and edge-of-your-seat video of a tortoise helping out another tortoise who accidentally flipped on its shell. Who needs Life Alert when you’ve got a tortoise friend around who’s got your back and doesn’t even expect a thank you for helping your fallen ass out.
And this video probably made Mama June a little nostalgic for the days when she and Sugar Bear were still together. That’s how Sugar Bear used to roll Mama June off of her back after they finished boning.