Justice For The Saint: Angie Jolie Nominated For A Critics’ Choice Award

December 15, 2014 / Posted by:

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association outed themselves as fundie Satanists last week after they failed to nominate St. Angie Jolie for Best Director for Unbroken. The critics weren’t about to make that mistake and they gave St. Angie a Best Director nomination today.

The nominations for the Critics’ Choice Awards (aka that awards show on Vh1 that nobody really watches) were announced today and nearly every trick in the Hollywood game was nominated since there’s at least 500 categories. The only major snubs (that I can see) are Steve Carrell not getting nominated for Foxcatcher and Kate Upton’s tits not getting a nomination for Best Distraction In Shit Movie for The Other Woman. Birdman got the most nominations with 13 and The Grand Budapest Hotel got 11 nominations. Unbroken got 4 including Best Picture and Best Director. They also threw Brad Pitt a nomination for Best Actor In An Action Movie for Fury.  The executives at Vh1 and every tabloid editor are spending most of their day pouring cornstarch in their chonies, because they keep getting seriously moist while thinking about St. Angie, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston being the same room together.

Jennifer Aniston was nominated for Best Actress for that movie where Rachel Green looks like cold shit and stalks a dead girl’s family. The Critics’ Choice Awards stage is going to be a giant boxing ring and they’ll sit Aniston at one end and Jolie at the other end, and the two will stare at each other as their coaches, Maddox (for St. Angie) and a My Buddy Doll (for Aniston), squirt red wine in their mouths from a straw. Jennifer’s nomination means that we’re one step closer to living in a time when the words “Oscar nominee Jennifer Aniston” becomes a fact.

After the cut are all the nominations. Go ahead and have a deep fried macaroni and cheese bacon sandwich for lunch, because you’ll burn at least 2,000 calories by scrolling down this long ass list.

BEST PICTURE
Birdman
Boyhood
Gone Girl
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game
Nightcrawler
Selma
The Theory of Everything
Unbroken
Whiplash

BEST ACTOR
Benedict Cumberbatch – The Imitation Game
Ralph Fiennes – The Grand Budapest Hotel
Jake Gyllenhaal – Nightcrawler
Michael Keaton – Birdman
David Oyelowo – Selma
Eddie Redmayne – The Theory of Everything

BEST ACTRESS
Jennifer Aniston – Cake
Marion Cotillard – Two Days, One Night
Felicity Jones – The Theory of Everything
Julianne Moore – Still Alice
Rosamund Pike – Gone Girl
Reese Witherspoon – Wild

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Josh Brolin – Inherent Vice
Robert Duvall – The Judge
Ethan Hawke – Boyhood
Edward Norton – Birdman
Mark Ruffalo – Foxcatcher
J.K. Simmons – Whiplash

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Patricia Arquette – Boyhood
Jessica Chastain – A Most Violent Year
Keira Knightley – The Imitation Game
Emma Stone – Birdman
Meryl Streep – Into the Woods
Tilda Swinton – Snowpiercer

BEST YOUNG ACTOR/ACTRESS
Ellar Coltrane – Boyhood
Ansel Elgort – The Fault in Our Stars
Mackenzie Foy – Interstellar
Jaeden Lieberher – St. Vincent
Tony Revolori – The Grand Budapest Hotel
Quvenzhane Wallis – Annie
Noah Wiseman – The Babadook

BEST ACTING ENSEMBLE
Birdman
Boyhood
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game
Into the Woods
Selma

BEST DIRECTOR
Wes Anderson – The Grand Budapest Hotel
Ava DuVernay – Selma
David Fincher – Gone Girl
Alejandro G. Inarritu – Birdman
Angelina Jolie – Unbroken
Richard Linklater – Boyhood

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Birdman – Alejandro G. Inarritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr., Armando Bo
Boyhood – Richard Linklater
The Grand Budapest Hotel – Wes Anderson, Hugo Guinness
Nightcrawler – Dan Gilroy
Whiplash – Damien Chazelle

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Gone Girl – Gillian Flynn
The Imitation Game – Graham Moore
Inherent Vice – Paul Thomas Anderson
The Theory of Everything – Anthony McCarten
Unbroken – Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, Richard LaGravenese, William Nicholson
Wild – Nick Hornby

BEST CINEMATOGRAPY
Birdman – Emmanuel Lubezki
The Grand Budapest Hotel – Robert Yeoman
Interstellar – Hoyte Van Hoytema
Mr. Turner – Dick Pope
Unbroken – Roger Deakins

BEST ART DIRECTION
Birdman – Kevin Thompson/Production Designer, George DeTitta Jr./Set Decorator
The Grand Budapest Hotel – Adam Stockhausen/Production Designer, Anna Pinnock/Set Decorator
Inherent Vice – David Crank/Production Designer, Amy Wells/Set Decorator
Interstellar – Nathan Crowley/Production Designer, Gary Fettis/Set Decorator
Into the Woods – Dennis Gassner/Production Designer, Anna Pinnock/Set Decorator
Snowpiercer – Ondrej Nekvasil/Production Designer, Beatrice Brentnerova/Set Decorator

BEST EDITING
Birdman – Douglas Crise, Stephen Mirrione
Boyhood – Sandra Adair
Gone Girl – Kirk Baxter
Interstellar – Lee Smith
Whiplash – Tom Cross

BEST COSTUME DESIGN
The Grand Budapest Hotel – Milena Canonero
Inherent Vice – Mark Bridges
Into the Woods – Colleen Atwood
Maleficent – Anna B. Sheppard
Mr. Turner – Jacqueline Durran

BEST HAIR & MAKEUP
Foxcatcher
Guardians of the Galaxy
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
Into the Woods
Maleficent

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Edge of Tomorrow
Guardians of the Galaxy
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
Interstellar

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
Big Hero 6
The Book of Life
The Boxtrolls
How to Train Your Dragon 2
The Lego Movie

BEST ACTION MOVIE
American Sniper
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Edge of Tomorrow
Fury
Guardians of the Galaxy

BEST ACTOR IN AN ACTION MOVIE
Bradley Cooper – American Sniper
Tom Cruise – Edge of Tomorrow
Chris Evans – Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Brad Pitt – Fury
Chris Pratt – Guardians of the Galaxy

BEST ACTRESS IN AN ACTION MOVIE
Emily Blunt – Edge of Tomorrow
Scarlett Johansson – Lucy
Jennifer Lawrence – The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1
Zoe Saldana – Guardians of the Galaxy
Shailene Woodley – Divergent

BEST COMEDY
Birdman
The Grand Budapest Hotel
St. Vincent
Top Five
22 Jump Street

BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Jon Favreau – Chef
Ralph Fiennes – The Grand Budapest Hotel
Michael Keaton – Birdman
Bill Murray – St. Vincent
Chris Rock – Top Five
Channing Tatum – 22 Jump Street

BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Rose Byrne – Neighbors
Rosario Dawson – Top Five
Melissa McCarthy – St. Vincent
Jenny Slate – Obvious Child
Kristen Wiig – The Skeleton Twins

BEST SCI-FI/HORROR MOVIE
The Babadook
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Interstellar
Snowpiercer
Under the Skin

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Force Majeure
Ida
Leviathan
Two Days, One Night
Wild Tales

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Citizenfour
Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me
Jodorowsky’s Dune
Last Days in Vietnam
Life Itself
The Overnighters

BEST SONG
Big Eyes – Lana Del Rey – Big Eyes
Everything Is Awesome – Jo Li and the Lonely Island – The Lego Movie
Glory – Common/John Legend – Selma
Lost Stars – Keira Knightley – Begin Again
Yellow Flicker Beat – Lorde – The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

BEST SCORE
Alexandre Desplat – The Imitation Game
Johann Johannsson – The Theory of Everything
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross – Gone Girl
Antonio Sanchez – Birdman
Hans Zimmer – Interstellar

Pic: FameFlynet

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