The New England Journal of Medicine recently published studies (no, it didn’t) that claimed that watching the video where Queen Aretha Franklin subtly shades Taylor Swift can add months, if not years, to your life. It’s more life-lengthening than drinking a glass of red wine a day or eating blueberries or fucking. Hell, it’s more life-lengthening than eating blueberries while getting a red wine enema as you fuck.
During an interview with the Wall Street Journal last month, the mistress of shade was asked to say a few words about female singers on the scene today and when Taylor Swift’s name came up, the only thing she said was, “Great gowns, beautiful gowns.” It was shade cooked to perfection. Queen Aretha and the beautiful gown wearer came face to face at Billboard’s Women in Music luncheon in NYC today. Taylor’s body turns 25 tomorrow (the 13-year-old girl that lives inside of her turns 14) and so Queen Aretha was charitable and kind enough to serenade the human Lalaloopsy doll with “Happy Birthday” as Jessie J, Ariana Grande Latte, Hayley Williams and others watched. Queen Aretha pretty much maxed out the IRS’ allowed charitable donations with this act of pure kindness. via Billboard
I wish that Grumpy Cat’s human memaw Cissy Houston was in the background rolling her eyes and looking seventy shades of bored. I’d like to think that after she sang for a lesser, Hateretha lived up to her nickname by saying, “And THAT’S how it’s done, trick! Beautiful gown, by the way” before dropping the mic and exiting stage left.