First off, eleven minutes?!? Beyonce be tripping; ain’t nobody got time for eleven minutes of anything, let alone for watching a SANS FARDS* (*several thousand gallons of fards may have been used in the production of this film) Beyonce-bot try to act human. But in the event you do have eleven minutes to kill, I strongly suggest you waste it on Beyonce’s half-assed million-dollar attempt at a first-year film studies project, a short film she released today titled Yours And Mine.
In the words of Stefon, this mess has everything: a sad-looking Beyonce crying about being famous, a high-fashion Beyonce staring at herself in a mirror, Beyonce blowing out an candle in slow motion, Beyonce uttering the words “I sometimes wish I could walk down a street just like everyone else“, Beyonce talking about feminism, Beyonce trapped inside stretchy wind sock to represent the constricting nature of celebrity or some such bullshit, creepy twins, Beyonce wiping away human tears. Speaking of eyes, you’re going to want to grab a bottle of Extra-Strength Occular Muscle Relief, because Yours And Mine will make your eyes roll harder than they’ve ever rolled before.
Do I even have to say it? Barney Gumble did it first, and he did it better.
I’m not sure why Beyonce made this eleven and a half minute long visual love letter to herself, but my best guess is that either she wants to win an Academy Award for Most Egotistical Use of Film, or someone accidentally set her narcissism levels to a dangerously high 9.8 during a routine maintenance check. What is this, amateur hour? Everyone knows Beyonce isn’t supposed to be programmed any higher than a 9.2!
Here’s Beyonce B. DeMille herself at the Billboard Women in Music Awards earlier this afternoon looking all kinds of Mama Tina in the face and hair area (that’s a high compliment):