Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 10, 2014 / Posted by:

NYC’s most avant-garde subway performance artist (that job description just made James Franco fart out a cloud of hot jealousy) Kalan Sherrard!

What could be making Kalan Sherrard’s face turn into a beam of happiness in his mug shot? Did he get arrested for trying to smuggle a ton of meth in his ass and just as the officers pulled out the bad shit, some of it leaked in his butt? Is he really happy to be arrested because he finally got to use “The Joker in a mug shot” face he’s been practicing for years? Is that happy face totally manufactured and he did it just so he can end up in The Smoking Gun’s mug shot tag?

It’s probably the third one, but I’m just going to tell myself that Kalan’s face looks like a rainbow on speed because he’s filled with joy from swinging around a fake dick in front of the cops at Art Basel in Miami. Nothing brings genuine joy like swinging around a dildo in public. The Miami New Times says that Kalan and his partner Maria Paz Valenzuela are disgusted with how Art Basel has turned into a playground for the really rich and famous who don’t care about art (“Wha? I bought a Monet mousepad, okay?” said Leonardo DiCatchAHo as he dives face first into a lake of naked models) so on Sunday they protested against it. They walked into the Collector’s Lounge and shouted words from BMW’s guide to collecting art while dressed up like Burning Man refugees. When security got to them and ushered them out, they screamed, “Fuck Art Basel!

Once they got outside, the police took over and when Kalan pulled out a dildo, he was tackled to the ground. The police thought his dildo was a gun. Kalan and Maria were arrested and charged with disturbing the peace (I hate my fingers for not making a Freudian slip by typing “peen” instead of “peace“) and resisting arrest without violence. It was the second time in one week they were arrested. They were arrested last Thursday by Miami police for disorderly conduct.

After his release, Kalan told The New Times that he knows he would’ve been shot dead if he was in a “darker body.” He also continued to spit out anti-wealth and anti-art-world words.

Here’s the video of Kalan and Maria getting arrested:

So they arrest a dude waving a dildo around yet dildo (see: Parasite Hilton) after dildo (see: Dan Bilzerian) are let into Art Basel? That’s selective dildo discrimination! This news is also pretty upsetting to me, because I thought I knew Florida. If you can’t wave a dildo around in Florida, where can you wave a dildo around? (Answer: The Scientology Celebrity Centre since the dildo is their official flag.)

The dude at the 1:54 mark in the video gets a HSOTD honorable mention for asking “Is that art?” while watching the cops take Kalan away. It’s all HIGH ART!

 

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