Well, if it isn’t the PR train, right on time! No – that’s unfair. I’m sure this is a totally real relationship that wasn’t cooked up in the office of two half-drunk publicists named Carol and Sheila. On Monday, Kate Hudson’s people announced that her snatch was saying sayonara to her baby daddy Matt Bellamy after 4 years and one kid together, which was followed shortly by the rumor that she had moved on to toe-tapping human snapping turtle Derek Hough. And now UsWeekly is saying that it’s time to think of a nickname for these two (Kough? Deraté?), because they were caught making out in public.
A source (a confused Goldie after waking up from a 2pm wine nap) claims to have spotted Derek and Kate kissing at a restaurant on Friday night. Of course, there are no pictures of it happening, because we all know that if Derek the Dancing Machine spots a camera, he’s programmed to stop whatever he’s doing and bust out some sweet moves to make your granny swoon. But even if there were pictures, I’d still scream FAAAAKE! because a speedy slut like Kate would never waste time making out with a dude. Now, if that source claimed to have seen Kate and Derek fucking at the table as Kate motioned to the waiter that she’d like more bread, then I’d believe it’s real.
And to be honest, I’m all for Kate and Derek getting together, if only because I want them to have a kid and name it something super dramatic. Kate likes to give her kids alliterative comic book-sounding names (Ryder Robinson, Bingham Bellamy), so my money is on “Harvey Hough”. Harvey Hough: plucky reporter by day, ballroom-dancing superhero by night!