When I woke up this morning to emails with the subject, “Another Duggar is Knocked Up,” I figured that all that kissing on Instagram and front hugging put a baby in Jessa Duggar. Jessa Duggar might have a fetus living in her womb, but a different Duggar announced this morning that his family is one baby closer to overtaking China as the world’s leading producer of humans.
In a video posted on TLC.com (via People) this morning, the eldest child of the Cult of Duggar, 26-year-old Josh Duggar, and his 26-year-old wife of 6 years, Anna Duggar, announced in creepy robot voices that they’ve made their fourth baby. Anna says that the Duggar growing in her uterus is about 9 weeks old. Anna and Josh, who live in DC where he works for an anti-gay and anti-abortion group, said that they told the leaders of their army, Jim Bob and Michelle, about the newest Duggar a couple of weeks ago. I’m sure Michelle knew as soon as Anna got knocked up, because she can smell fresh jizz in an ovary egg from 10,000 miles away.
Anna’s voice… Anna’s animatronic eyes… Anna’s fake smile…. Just throw a glorious wave of White Rain bangs on top of her head and she’d be Michelle Duggarbot 2.0.
This kid will be Jim Bob and Michelle’s 5th grandchild. Jill Duggar is currently knocked up with her first baby who’s due in March.
I’m not even going to joke about what Josh and Anna are going to name their fourth. It’s not hard to figure out. They’ve got a 5-year-old named Mackynzie (MACKYNZIE!!!), a 3 1/2-year-old named Michael and a 1 1/2-year-old named Marcus. They should name their fourth kid Motherfuckers Stop Fucking With The Letter M Duggar. What have us M names done to deserve this? The Duggars have already tortured everyone whose first name starts with the letter J and now they’re coming hard for us Ms.
The good news is that I shouldn’t have any trouble legally changing my name from Michael to Concepcion. A judge will scream “GRANTED, you poor soul, GRANTED!” as soon as I tell them that I’m changing my name because the Duggars have officially taken over the letter M.