Scarlett Johansson Got Secret Married To Her Hot French Baby Daddy

Now, before you go cursing Scarlett Johansson out for trying to steal the attention away from Snooki and her opulent discount bead store spectacular, you need to know that ScarJo’s secret wedding didn’t take place this weekend, because – come on – how deeply tasteless would you have to be to want to upstage an Ewok princess on her special day?

According to Page Six, ScarJo got married to her French journalist and baby daddy Romain Dauriac shortly after she gave birth to their daughter Rose Dorothy Blanche Sophia back in September, and they’ve kept it a secret ever since. ScarJo has recently been seen wearing a gold ring on her hitchin’ finger, and a source (that stickerbook-looking sunset tattoo on her forearm) claims that yes, it’s THAT kind of ring. The source says:

“Scarlett and Romain were married in a very intimate ceremony after the birth of their daughter. They kept the wedding a big secret because they both wanted privacy.”

The source also says that ScarJo and Romaine Lettuce’s secret wedding took place in a secret location somewhere in the US, because they wanted it to be super-secret. The source then went on to say (they didn’t, but just go with me on this one) that ScarJo’s secret wedding was so secret that it took place behind an abandoned Kmart at 3:30am on a Tuesday and was officiated by Baby Rose, who took an online course and became an ordained minister 10 minutes before the ceremony. ScarJo wore a custom-made balaclava and a floor-length black trench coat and Romaine Lettuce wore a high school football mascot costume he found in the trash. So secret!

And this “secret wedding” business sounds like a great way to get out of feeling pressured to invite your messiest family members to your wedding. “Sorry Krystall, I’d like nothing more than to watch you chug 3 bottles of champagne before busting out a dance routine to Lil’ Kim’s How Many Licks, but we’re having a secret wedding, so you can’t come.“