“You got any tips for picking up school MILFs? Cause I’ve been casting my rod, but the fish ain’t biting” asked The Deaner, as he was shut down for 84th time this week.
Melanie Brown (aka Mel B aka Scary Spice aka who I always wanted to be when I played Spice Girls with my friends, but due to my inability to sing meant I had to play Posh) has been rubbing her down-lows on producer Stephen Belafonte since 2007, but she recently admitted during an interview with The Guardian that before Stephen and, one would assume, Eddie Murphy (remember that mess? Ah, 2007 – you were truly the greatest year) she was involved in a four-year relationship with a mom she met at her daughter’s school. In response to a comment about her sexuality, Mel B says:
“Well, I did have a four-year relationship with a woman. But I’ve been very happily married for seven years to a penis. Ha ha! An amazing guy. Well, you know what I mean. But I’ve definitely not been shy or been one to hold back. If I wanted to try something, I did. I had a girlfriend. So what?”
She then went on to say that, despite making out with former Playboy models, her and Stephen don’t have an open relationship, so – sorry horny soccer moms, Mel B’s pussy is closed for business.
There is so much about Mel B’s statement that I love, starting with the image of her being married to a penis. I just pictured Stephen drawing a face on his dick, dressing it up in a little dick-sized tuxedo, and tying a wedding ring to his left nut. But I especially love that she pulled a Fred Armisen-as-Joy Behar and closed with a ‘so what?’ “Yeah, I dated a woman I met during a PTA meeting – so what, who cares?“