Archives: December 2014

George Clooney Is Pissed That Sony Pulled “The Interview”

December 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Fancy Lawyer Barbie Amal Clooney’s part-time Hollywood actor husband George has some major feelings about the Sony email hack. In case you’ve forgotten because your brain is too interested in St. Angie’s messy Cleopatra drama, several sad emails Georgie sent to Amy Pascal about the shit reviews for his film The Monuments Men were leaked last weekend. That would normally be enough to piss someone off, but it was Sony’s decision to pull The Interview that really set him over the edge. So much, that it made him angry enough to circulate…A PETITION.

George spoke to Deadline and told them about the petition he created with his agent to show support for Sony and unite as an industry to stand up to the terrorists threatening the release of The Interview, and confessed that NO ONE in Hollywood was brave enough to sign it. George’s letter is long as hell, so it’s hidden after the cut. By the way, it sounds badass if you read it while listening to “America, Fuck Yeah (Bummer Remix)“, so I suggest you throw that on to enhance your George Clooney American Hero Petition Experience.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Derby the dog with 3D prosthetic legs!

Derby was born with tiny, underdeveloped legs (he is the Dooneese of dogs), so he’s never been able to fully run and he’s had a shit of a time getting around. Tara Anderson of South Carolina took in Derby a few months ago, because she kept looking at his picture and reading his story on the site for the rescue group Peace and Paws and she wanted to help him. When she first fostered Derby, she got him a cart, but shit was clunky and he still couldn’t run with the wind the way that he wanted to. So Tara, who works for a 3D printing company, came up with an idea to make him 3D prosthetics that’ll let him run.

With help from her co-workers and an expert in animal prosthetics, Tara created a pair of prosthetics using some fancy 3D modeling software and a 3D printer. Sherry Portanova, who is now Derby’s adoptive human, was there when he put his 3D prosthetic legs on for the first time and she says everyone’s heart melted and slipped out of their pee holes when they watched him sprint. Sherry said, “The first time he was put on them, he took off running. I was absolutely amazed at how well he did.”

I have two perfectly good running limbs and Derby still runs 2 more miles a day than I do. Sherry says that he runs around 2 miles a day and he runs faster than them.

The clip of Derby running on his 3D legs not only made me feel some weird warmness in the area where my heart used to be, but it also got my gutter sludge of a brain thinking about the future of 3D printing. If us humans can print out 3D prosthetics today, then it’s only a matter of time before we can print out all sorts of 3D stuff at home including 3D dildos. The future can’t come soon enough!

And I fully expect Derby to win all the golds at the 2016 Olympics! (No Oscar Pistorius jokes, please!)

via HuffPo

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Birthday Sluts

December 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Kristy Swanson (45)
Paulina Gretzky (26)
Lady Sovereign (29)
Jake Gyllenhaal (34)
Marla Sokoloff (34)
Alyssa Milano (42)
Amy Locane (43)
Tyson Beckford (44)
Criss Angel (47)
Jennifer Beals (51)
Til Schweiger (51)
Limahl (55)
Tim Reid (70)
Maurice White (73)
Cicely Tyson (81)

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Night Crumbs

December 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer dismissed the idea of hiring Goopy Paltrow as a contributing editor because she didn’t finish college. “What a classist snob!” said Goopy Paltrow right before she screamed at her morning maid for not using the imported tears of dolphins to clean her outdoor wood-burning pizza oven – Lainey Gossip

“Um, we already do, where have you been, Lenny?Beyonce to Lenny KravitzCelebitchy

Phew, the feds did not seize all the Christmas presents that Teresa Giudice and Juicy Joe probably stole from a toy drive – Reality Tea

Dolly Parton visited Uncle Terry’s studio…… – Drunken Stepfather

Two push-up bras and a roll of duct tape does wonders for Parasite Hilton’s titty balls – Egotastic!

Azealia Banks thinks Igloo Australia needs to be sitting with the pop girls instead of the hip hop girls – Jezebel

Dear Stephen Collins, Jesus would like to see the receipts, because he doesn’t remember this – The Superficial

Carmen Electra shows the young hos that she’s still got it - Hollywood Tuna

The dude who threw a lawsuit (and later dismissed that lawsuit) at Bryan Singer for allegedly drugging and raping him could go to prison for 40 years for pulling some fraud shit – Towleroad

Here’s Sharon Stone’s nipples, because I know you’ve been wondering what they’re up to – WWTDD

Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Lawrence, don’t you know you’re not supposed to leave the house without the hot bodyguard? – Popoholic

Poke at me when there’s an LFO documentary – The Berry

And here’s the bare ass of a French actor I’ve never heard of, but who cares about that, because BUTT – OMG Blog

Jessica Biel‘s fetus dome makes an appearance and that’s great and everything but she really needs to give that onesie back to Justin BieberPopsugar

Say farewell to The Colbert Report with its greatest hits – Pajiba

Pop the sparkling pink champagne, because Bruce Jenner is officially  FREEEEEEEEEEEE – ICYDK

Paramount is scurred of North Korea too – HuffPo

The international movie-watching audience is racist, so says a producer in a hacked Sony e-mail – IDLYITW

Oprah loves dog shit, which explains why she likes Dr. PhilSOW

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And Now Diana Ross Will Be Tied To The Simpson Family FOREVER

December 18, 2014 / Posted by:

It’s a week before Christmas and I’m sure you have a lot of crap to do, so don’t bruise your brain while trying to figure out what these three are wearing.

Ashlee Simpson and her pretty-faced husband of 3 months Evan Ross aren’t wasting any time. E! News says that the “singer” turned reality TV trick turned Melrose Place 2.0 “actress” turned (insert whatever she’s doing now because I have no clue) is knocked up with her second kid and Evan Ross’ first kid. Evan and Ashlee’s baby friend will be Diana Ross’ third grandchild. E! didn’t have any other info other than that and some words about children that Evan spilled into their ears at The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 premiere last month.

“I would like [having kids],” he said. “As many as possible!”

Ross added, “I got married, I have new music and I’m part of Hunger Games. It’s been a great year.” And to think, 2015 looks to be even more of a life-changer.

Bronx Mowgli, Asslee’s kid with Pete Wentz, is already 6 years old. I don’t think she’ll go with the NYC borough + Jungle Book character route when naming her second kid. She’ll probably go the L.A. neighborhood + Lion King character route. They’re going to name their kid Echo Park Zazu.

That kid will probably inherit Diana Ross’ fabulous gene and its mother’s impeccable lip-synching skills. That kid will win season 25 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. I’m calling it now.

And here’s Evan and Ashlee at the farmer’s market in Studio City a few days ago.

Pics: Splash

Open Post: Hosted By Betty White Shaking Her Chichis While Dancing With A Hippo And Craig Ferguson

December 18, 2014 / Posted by:

If you still can’t listen to that weird children’s Christmas song “I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas” without thinking of the desperate Falkor shaking her luck dragon tits like some kind of drunk, horny mom at her kid’s holiday pageant, then here’s an industrial-strength palate cleanser that will hopefully make that song safe again.

It’s Craig Ferguson’s final week as host of The Late Late Show and last night he had on one of his frequent guests, America’s sweetest sweetheart and universal treasure Betty White. Since it’s their last time being together on that show, Craig gave Betty a special gift. The red curtain opened to reveal a choir singing her favorite Christmas song, that hippo shit, and out came a dancing hippo. Betty White does everything better, but she really showed LeAnn Rimes that she does the chichis shimmy a million times better.

Why didn’t I have hallucinations like this when I did shrooms that one time? Why didn’t my brain produce the hallucination of Betty White shimmying next to a gay hippo while wearing sequins? Instead, I ended up with the fear of thinking that the trees were going to eat me and not in the sexy way.

This made my dead heart actually feel something, but I could’ve done without that cameo from Trace Cyrus at the very end. Why do the Cyruses have to ruin everything that’s happy?

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Jennifer Aniston Turned Into A Grouch When She Stopped Exercising For That Cake Movie

December 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Oh, I know that face. I know that face very well. That’s cake hangry face, and I usually get it when I want cake and discover there is no cake. Like yesterday, when I ate half a chocolate cake (I wish I was kidding about this next part) for breakfast, then around 2:30pm I went back for more cake and realized I’d eaten it all. Then when I realized I’d have to eat a bag of baby carrots instead, I made that face. So, yeah, Jennifer Aniston, I get it. It’s the reverse of what you’re talking about, but I get it.

UsWeekly says that Jennifer Aniston was recently on The Dr. Oz Show (side note: I know you got a movie to pimp out, but what’s next – appearing as a guest bailiff on Judge Joe Brown?) to talk about her transformation from beautiful Jennifer Aniston to frumpy Jennifer Aniston for the movie Cake. Jennifer confessed to that dreamy MD-ILF Dr. Oz that she stopped working out in preparation for her role. Unfortunately, it wasn’t all happy naps on the couch and cozy oversized muumuus like you’d imagine quitting the gym would be:

“It’s interesting when you stop exercising. It really was interesting how my serotonin levels went down. My stamina was shot. I was cranky. I was irritable. I’m usually really not any of those things. I found myself short. I was hungry like crazy.”

Are we sure she’s not actually talking about quitting booze? Because that sounds like what happens when you quit booze. You get all cranky and everything bothers you. Why is this water so clear? Who turned up the volume on the ceiling fan? Why is this keyboard such a jerk?

But enough about Jenny talking about being miserable after she broke up with her elliptical machine; what I really want to know is how that dookie-obsessed Dr. Oz was able to segue into a conversation about poop. “I see you wear a pretty crappy wig in Cake. Speaking of crap…

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FYI: Ansel Elgort Likes Girls A Lot. A Lot A Lot.

December 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Besides a blind item on CDAN, I don’t think I’ve heard any rumors about how 20-year-old Ansel Elgort, the Harry Potter spell-named dude from Fault in Our Stars and Divergent, is cuckoo for cock. But I guess I’m just not up on my Ansel Elgort rumors, because apparently someone somewhere said that he’s gay and has rented a quiet little pied-à-terre in the closet next to Kevin Spacey’s spot. So Ansel Elgort jumped on his Twatter to let those who care (read: his 2.3 million followers and bloggers who need shit to write about on a slow ass day) know that if the Atlantic Ocean was full of coochie instead of water, we’d call it the Snatchlantic Ocean, and also he’d be swimming, diving and doing the backstroke in it all day and all night, because that’s how much he loves punane.

Seems pretty straightforward (NOPP: Not On Purpose Pun), but I guess some people took Ansel Elgort’s declaration of chocha love as his way of saying, “Ewwww, I’m not gay.” So he tweeted out another message where he made it clear that if he did love dick, you’d know it, because you’d wake up to the sound of him screaming his love for it on the mountain tops. He went on to say that everyone just needs to be themselves. Then he asked us to join hands and take turns saying something special about ourselves before singing along to “Firework.”

There you go! Ansel Elgort is strictly clitly. That’s all cleared up. And if you’re wondering what an Ansel Elgort is, MOM, here’s your answer. No, my mom doesn’t read this filth. She stopped reading when I started talking sucio. So basically, day one, post one.

Pic: Flaunt

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Nicki Minaj Sort Of Slipped A Nip On WWHL Last Night

December 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Seen above as it takes the tiniest lil’ peek out of the top of her dress, Nicki Minaj’s left titty nip decided to make a surprise appearance on Watch What Happens Live last night. UsWeekly says neither Nicki nor Andy Cohen seemed to notice the pepperoni slice subtly sneaking out out of Nicki’s top, but that some viewers at home saw it and made sure to call that sloppily-dressed trick out for it later on Twitter. Personally, I don’t think it’s Nicki’s fault that her nipple snuck out; there’s a lot of cool stuff in the WWHL studio, and I’m sure it just stuck it’s head out because it wanted to get a better look. Nipples are notoriously curious.

Or maybe the nipple heard Nicki and Andy talking about dicks and wanted to join the conversation. Andy started by asking Nicki if she’d ever take a ride on Wheelchair Jimmy’s emergency brake (she says no). Then during a game of “Plead the Fifth”, Andy asked Nicki “Who has the biggest dick in the music industry?“, to which she replied: “I’ve never seen anybody’s penis in the industry, actually. I saw one penis for 10 years. That’s all I’ll say about that.” Obviously Andy is classier than to ask her about the 10-year dick, so he altered his question by asking her who is the biggest dick in the music industry. Unfortunately, Nicki plead the fifth:

Nicki: “I want to say, but it would be so real, that I can’t. I gotta plead the fifth on that one. But honey child, if I was to say that name…It’s two names that I want to say, honey. Two guys, for lack of a better word.”

Andy: “Two Men?”

Nicki: “If you want to call ‘em that.”

Let the guessing begin! Assholes, assholes…who are the two biggest assholes in the music industry? “Hey, don’t look at us!” hissed Kanye West into a mirror.

Pic: Bravo

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