Would You Hit It?

November 30, 2014 / Posted by:

For that Nightcrawler movie, Jake Gyllenhaal lost a bunch of weight and transformed himself into a shriveled up cartoon worm. I saw Nightcrawler and damn, he looked like a paper skeleton and probably weighed about as much as one too. Dude was all eyes and I’m pretty sure all the weight he lost went directly to his eyeballs. His eyes bulged so much that he looked like a pug getting a prostate exam from a cold finger while high on meth. Jake probably lost the weight by only surviving on the hope of winning an OSCUH for that movie. It’s not going to happen, because starving your way to an Oscar is so 2013. But maybe putting on 15 pounds of muscle will do the trick.

Deadline farted up this picture from Antoine Fuqua’s Southpaw of a constipated-faced Jake looking as roided-up as one of Mickey Rourke’s dick veins. In Southpaw, which comes out next year, Jake plays a junior middleweight champion boxer who loses everything in a tragedy and has to fight his way back to “redemption.” Shit pretty much sounds like every other damn boxing movie. Antoine tells Deadline that Jake shot Southpaw after Nightcrawler, so he had to take his body from that of a malnourished, dehydrated polyp to that of Madonna’s. Jake spent every day in the gym and didn’t stop until he was covered in veins and muscles.

“Jake is going to change how people see him. I had him training twice a day in the boxing ring, he did two-a-days seven days a week. I pretty much had him with me and my trainer every day. I took him to almost every fight. I had him train at Floyd Mayweather’s gym in Vegas and we watched Floyd’s fights, and the Manny Pacquiao fight. He trained in New York at Church Gym with real fighters. We literally turned him into a beast… Jake, my god, he’s a very electric, powerful fighter in this movie, and a guy who fights for his daughter. I’m confident that this will change how people see Jake, as a leading man.”

Going from anorexic to Sylvester Stallone in a quick second (or however long it took) doesn’t sound fun. Just look at that picture. I don’t think Jake’s acting. I think his face is reacting to most of his internal organs freaking out from going from one extreme to the other. But get that Oscar, Jake.

In that picture, Jake’s body looks like the body of a 55-year-old West Hollywood gym queen who drives a yellow Miata and only owns sleeveless shirts, so yes, yes I’d hit.

Here’s also some pictures of Jake outside of The Late Show with David Letterman in NYC a few days ago.

Pics: Splash

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