Hot Slut Of The Day!

7 Up Gold!

7 Up has always been the Blake NotSoLively of sodas, because it’s boring, there’s not much to it and it keeps our brains asleep (read: shit doesn’t have caffeine). I mean, adult types gave us 7 Up and crackers when our stomachs felt gross. It’s practically medicine! 7 Up has tried (and sometimes succeeded) at not ONLY being the boring, tap water of sodas that parents gave their kids when they didn’t want their brats climbing the walls and going crazy. Cherry 7 Up was a major success and it would be a perfect soda if it had gallons of caffeine in it. So after Cherry 7 Up turned out to be a hit in the late 80s, they really went for it by squirting out 7 Up Gold in 1987. They went for the gold, but they only ended up with a handful of bad decisions, because it flopped.

7 Up was supposed to put a dent in Coke’s crown. It was brown-ish instead of clear and it had caffeine. It also tasted nothing like 7 Up. I remember it sort of tasting like watered down ginger ale, but others say it tasted like apple cinnamon. So if you want to be really specific, it probably tasted like a wet shit that Dr. Pepper caca’d out after eating an apple pie with a flat ginger ale chaser. 7 Up went a little too crazy with 7 Up Gold and people didn’t understand it. It tanked and a year later, they sent it to the soda graveyard.

Before 7 Up Gold was put down, it got a commercial starring KG from Tenacious D.

What I got from that commercial, is that 7 Up Gold turned you into a frat douche who annoyed old people. What’s really disappointing is at the end of the commercial, they missed a really good opportunity to make a golden shower joke.

Pic: Complex