Cameron Diaz Is P. Diddy’s One That Got Away

November 29, 2014 / Posted by:

If you’re sitting there thinking “I’m sorry, but when did these two rub down-lows?“, then we’re both in the same boat, because I sure as hell don’t remember Cameron Diaz and P. Diddy being a couple. Then again, I spent most of the mid-2000s pickling my brain with Dr. Pepper and cheap red wine (I called it a “Medical Malpractice”), so I might have just forgotten. But according to Us Weekly, Cammy and Diddy did do the dirty d a couple times back in the day, and now Diddy gets sad when he thinks about it.

A source claims that Diddy was at dinner with some friends and they started talking about Cammy and her new boyfriend, human dirty lip ring Benji Madden. That’s when Diddy got all misty-eyed and said:

“If I could turn back time, things would be different! She’s the sexiest girl in the world.”

I want to feel bad for Sad Diddy, but all I can think of after hearing Diddy say “If I could turn back time” is Diddy working the hell out of a full-body fishnet onesie for a bunch of rowdy sailors on a battleship, and it’s making me far too happy.

I don’t blame Diddy for wishing he was still with Cameron, because that bitch seems like all sorts of fun. But you can’t tame a carefree slut like Cammy D; to do so would be like clipping a slutty sparrow’s wings. Besides, even if he was able to get back together with Cameron, it wouldn’t last long. Cameron needs to fulfill her destiny as a shamelessly horny Miami cougar. You need to set her free, Diddy – the 24-year-old pool boys of the future are depending on it!

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