Hot Slut Of The Day!
Bleona, the Madonna of Albania and the bright spot of sheer elegance at last night’s dreadful American Music Awards!
I’ve been meaning to write about this demure, graceful and rational Albanian blossom ever since I started watching Bravo’s newest staged reality train wreck Euros of Hollywood. If you’ve never seen that mess, you’re probably looking at the title with question mark eyes while wondering what’s it about. I know, Bravo is always so unclear with their titles. Euros of Hollywood is about Euros of Hollywood.
The dudes on Euros of Hollywood are hot, buff, tacky and dumb (just the way we all like ’em!), but the main reason to watch that trash pile of messiness is for BLEONA! Bleona is like a character that Maya Rudolph would’ve created on SNL. She’s train wreck perfection. She’s as delusional as she is unapologetically bitchy. She’s as sarcastic as she is glamorous. She’s a rhinestone-encrusted disaster and she breaths life into me every time she cuts those other whores with her words of sarcasm.
Bleona tells us at least once an episode that she’s the Madonna of Albania and sells out stadiums in her country. She said (and I’m paraphrasing) that nearly 1 in 3 Albanians have a poster of her hanging on their wall. Bleona’s talent, beauty and glamour is much too big for Albania, so she came to the US a few years ago to conquer the states! But because in America we like our pop stars bland, basic, boring and strangely doll-like (see: Selena, Ariana Grande Latte and Swifty), Bleona hasn’t taken over the charts and she probably couldn’t sell out a free concert in a party space at a small park. If you ask anybody if they know who Bleona is, they’ll probably say, “Yes, of course, it’s delicious with mayo and Wonder Bread.”
But I have a feeling all that is about to change thanks to last night. Bleona, who kind of looks like a second tier Angelina Jolie impersonator circa 1998, shot into the American Music Awards like a fishnetted sparkly star of demure sophistication. She looked like Rose McGowan’s backwash mixed with the inside of Miley Cyrus’ laundry hamper. Bleona proves that the most original way to get attention is to do something that dozens have done before.
If you’re still not sold on Bleona, this will sell you. Here’s what Bleona drives:
A vehicle that’s as understated and classy as its driver. She’s a 14k gold-covered Angelyne. Don’t be too surprised in a few years when Madonna is on an Albanian reality show called Americans of Albania and says, “I am the Bleona of the US. Or I was the Bleona of the US until the real Bleona took over!”
Pics: Wenn.com, Unique Auto Films