A little over a week ago, Johnny Depp became the newest inductee into the Messy Old Man Club when he slithered up on stage at the Hollywood Film Awards drunk off his busted pirate face. Most of us (read: everyone besides Drunk Uncle) were pretty embarrassed for Johnny, including Johnny’s fiance Amber Heard too. According to The Star (via NY Daily News), a source claims that Amber got super pissed when she saw a next-level hammered Gilbert Grape slurring his way through the presentation of the Hollywood Documentary Award:
“Amber couldn’t believe he had made such a fool out of himself. This reflects really badly on her, and she’s not happy about it. At this point he is driving everyone away — including Amber.”
The source also goes on to say that there’s “chatter” about Johnny going to rehab.
I hope this all gets sorted out, because being a sloppy waste case is no bueno. But truthfully, if Amber wants Johnny to fix himself, she also needs to address the other elephant in the room: THOSE UGLY HATS. That would be the first thing I’d bring up in an intervention! “Johnny, your drinking is out of control, but we’ll get to that in a second. We need to talk about your collection of moth-eaten dumpster fedoras.” Those hats are no good, and I fully believe they’re the source of Johnny’s downfall. Take a look at mid-90s Johnny Depp: career was good, super hot, Winona Forever, and no stupid hats. Then look at mid-00s Johnny Depp: wears hats he dug out of the trash, makes shitty movies, left his wife for his 28-year-old co-star, gets drunk at awards shows. It’s the hats, I tells ya! The hats!