Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 21, 2014 / Posted by:

The Saskatchewan Grampa Simpson who screams at snowflakes, punches the cold wind and only gets warmth from screaming and ranting about a morning show host calling the ugly, nasty, butthole-freezing weather “nice.”

Winter is real and winter has come early. I mean, it’s even winter in California. I had to wear socks with my flip flops and a light sweater over a tank top and Speedos to go to Smart & Final to buy pink wine and caramel corn. You know it’s serious when you have to wear socks with your flip flops. In other parts of the country and Canada, it’s a real shit show and it looks like Nicole Kidman’s toilet after she poops out an icy bowel movement. It’s like living in Queen Elsa’s queef. Allison has to type out all her posts with a stick because she’s wearing 10 pairs of mittens. (Yes, I pay her in walnut shells and lube coupons, so she cannot afford heat!)

It’s so cold in the C and the last thing some Canadians want to hear is how “nice” the weather is, because that frozen shit is only “nice” to Snow Miser and polar bears. When Sheila Coles, the radio host of CBC Saskatchewan’s Morning Edition said that the weekend’s weather was going to be “nice,” one Canadian hero lost it and left her a voicemail where he let her know that there’s nothing “nice” about the early polar vortex fucking everyone in the ass. Dude let out a beautiful, glorious, curse-filled Canadian rant about the disgusting weather and when he said “howl,” I howled. When he said, “This province is the asshole of the world and will suck the life outta ya,” I got life several times. This guy gets so hot that his rage almost melted the shell of ice that his b-hole is encased in.

It gets better toward the end, okay. He spits out a conspiracy theory that is definitely 100% true, okay. He lets it be known that he’s got those hussies’ number, okay. He thinks that the CBC radio hosts are only saying the weather is going to be “nice,” because the government doesn’t want people to off themselves over the cold ass weather. If they offed themselves, how would they pay those crazy, freakin’ taxes?

How can I become a citizen of Canada so I can nominate this dude for President of EVERYTHING?

This King of Keeping It Real’s poetic rant auto-plays, so I’ve put it behind a cut. It needs to be Canada’s new anthem.

The weather outside is frightful, but that rant is so delightful.

Pic: CBC (Thank you to everyone who sent this in. Thank you. Bye.)

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