Jlo and Iggy Azalea are going to perform their moist butt burp of a song “Booty” at the American Music Awards on Sunday night. When those two get together to perform a song called “Booty,” you should expect them to rub nalgas so hard that the plastic in Iggy’s ass will get hot and combust. ABC doesn’t want that to happen. They told Iggy and JLo the same thing that Kelly Preston tells John Travolta and his Scientology protege when she leaves them alone in a room together: Keep your b-holes away from each other!
TMZ says that ABC executives have thrown a list of ass “don’ts” at the two. They can’t rub asses and they can’t show their ass cracks. ABC has a serious fear of the butt. ABC is about as scared as Kim Kardashian’s anus bleacher when they separate her cheeks with a crowbar as they’re about to go in. The show will be on a 3-4 second delay and executives have made it clear that they will censor any butt action they think is too much for the innocent, pristine eyes of the public. ABC is okay with them spanking each other, though ABC also didn’t say anything about Iggy and JLo rimming each other or doing each other with a strap-on, so that stuff is probably okay too.
The American Music Awards is full of gaping assholes, so it’s funny that ABC is against a little butt action.
ABC is stupid. What’s the point of getting JLo and Iggy to perform a song called “Booty” if you’re not going to let them serve equal parts elegance and desperation by butt fucking each other with an invisible double-sided dildo? If JLo insists on singing live, ABC should let them do whatever they want with their butts. Because the sound of the pearl clutchers from the Parents Television Council screaming in terror at the sight of all that ass rubbing will drown out the sound of JLo’s hyena warble. What am I saying? The PTC isn’t going to watch the AMAs. They’ll be too busy fapping in the bedroom closet to that Sons of Anarchy sex montage as their little kids watch Hostel in the rec room.