Pink Slips Are Flying At The Today Show, So Says UsWeekly

November 19, 2014 / Posted by:

To answer the prayer in your head: No, a pink slip didn’t land between Matt Lauer’s cleavage.

Around 10 weeks ago, NBC brought on former ESPN executive Jamie Horowitz to save the lukewarm caca puddle that is Today and take it to #1 above Good Morning America. I guess NBC wasn’t impressed with what Jamie was doing, because they showed his ass the exit door before his contract officially started on December 1st. The good news is that Jamie doesn’t have to wake up to the musty scent of Matt Lauer’s smugness anymore. The better news is that he reportedly gets to keep the $3 million his contract is worth.

Sources tell the NYDN that Jamie created a messy environment at Today, because he wanted to immediately make a ton of changes. The source says that Jamie put other producers on the spot by asking them which one of their co-workers should be fired. Jamie was looking to fire hos left and right and Page Six says that he wanted to pink slip repurposed Stepford robot Savannah Guthrie and replace her with Kathie Lee Gifford’s morning time drinking partner Hoda Kotb.

The rumor is that Jamie also wanted to get rid of Natalie Morales and replace her Josh Elliot. When NBC’s untouchable golden douche Matt Lauer found out about Jamie’s plans, he huffed and puffed into the ear of NBC News President Deborah Turness. The source says that Matt likes the way things are. Besides, if Natalie Morales is replaced with Josh Elliot, who is Matt going to eye fuck? Matt must have pictures of the NBC peacock in a compromising position (read: pictures of the NBC peacock watching GMA), because Deborah listened to Matt and fired Jamie.

UsWeekly says that even though Jamie is gone, NBC is still planning to shake shit up. An “insider” tells UsWeekly that both Natalie Morales and Willie Geist were fired. Natalie and Willie were both on Today this morning, so if UsWeekly is telling the truth, I guess they’re sticking around until they both get new gigs. Natalie is talking to ABC and Willie has already gotten a job at CBS. The insider also says that NBC is thinking about moving Tamron Hall back to MSNBC and bringing in Josh Elliot as newsreader and Hoda Kotb as co-host of the 9am hour.

Deborah Turness tells Gossip Cop that the rumors are just rumors and that nobody’s leaving their current morning shit show team.

Besides Hoda and Kathie Mess Gifford (I love the scent of train wreck fumes and white wine at 10 in the morning), Natalie and Willie are the only ones I can stand watching. If they get rid of Natalie, Willie and Tamron, the first 3 hours of Today will be nothing but videos of Savannah’s baby and Matt and Al Roker uncomfortably thumbing their thumbs as the latter one sharts.

NBC should turn the behind-the-scenes messiness into a Hunger Games-style show. They should lock everyone in a room with Matt Lauer and who ever doesn’t pass out from douche vapor and glibness gets to keep their job.

If you’re in the Tri-State area and see something flying in the air. It’s just Ann Curry whose butt shot out a blast of LOLs after reading about this beautiful messiness.

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