At the premiere of Unbroken (which again, is not a RobstenIsUnbroken propaganda documentary about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart) in Sydney tonight, Dame St. Angie Jolie showed up looking like a beef bone that my abuelita wrapped in a black lace napkin to take home to her dog Tosco. St. Angie wore a strapless, boring, nothing-to-it dress to that made up Hollywood Film Awards and tonight she wore a strapless, boring, nothing-to-it dress. I have a feeling that’s going to be her thing this awards season. Designers are just going to wrap a napkin around her body, push her out onto the carpet and call it a day. Although, I think I just described every single dress that St. Angie has worn to every single premiere and awards show for the past 10 years.
Because I grew up Catholic and went to a few funerals as a kid, St. Angie’s dress reminds me of a black lace veil that an abuelita would wear while throwing herself on a casket as it goes into the ground at a burial. As I went through these pictures, I kept waiting to come across a picture of an abuelita asking St. Angie Jolie if she can have her black lace face veil dress in exchange for a giant thermos full of menudo. She’d probably give St. Angie the thermos full of menudo anyway.
Here’s more of St. Angie Jolie looking like the severe mom of an Ever After High doll at the Unbroken premiere with Brad Pitt and Jack O’Connell.