The 18th Annual Hollywood Film Awards were held last night in what I assume is the restricted employees-only back entrance to Space Mountain (note: I’m told it’s actually the Hollywood Palladium), and in case you have no idea what the Hollywood Film Awards are, it’s sort of like the Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence
Johnny was on hand to present the Hollywood Documentary Award to Mike Myers (yes, The Love Guru Mike Myers) for his documentary about Hollywood talent manager Shep Gordon, Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon. And it appears they serve booze at the Hollywood Film Awards, because Johnny was rolling like a Lohan. Johnny began by approaching the microphone and instantly trying to pick a drunk fight with it. Then he tried reading off the teleprompter, but when that proved to be a fucking challenge, he went off-script, started swearing (CBS had to bleep it, naturally), then using about 8 syllables to pronounce “music industry”. Damn, Gilbert Grape – get your shit together!
Or maybe this was all just a brilliant marketing ploy by CBS to get people to start watching the Hollywood Film Awards? The Hollywood Film Awards airs in the middle of November on a Friday night, so if I had to guess their current audience, it’s either people who fell asleep on the couch or cats who’s owners don’t want them to feel lonely when they leave the house. But if they started getting everyone suuuuper drunk before they hit the stage, people might start watching that shit, because who doesn’t love to see a famous person drunk off their ass? I mean, it totally worked – before this morning, I had no idea what the Hollywood Film Awards were. Good job, guys!