I don’t know why Mr. Clean’s ginger professional magician son is rubbing up against an uncomfortable-looking Claire Underwood while making gross tantric sex faces, but I do know I can relate to that Golden Globe award. Someone please hold me tight, I feel weird.
So it appears the random love between Robin Wright and her younger goateed piece Ben Foster is over before it even got a chance to get Hollywood messy. According to Us Weekly, 48-year-old Robin and 34-year-old Ben called off their 10-month engagement, as well as calling it quits on each other. A source claims that Robin was the one who initiated it, because she finally realized that age might be more than just a number:
“The gap just ended up being too much,” a source close to Wright told Us. “Ben was kind of immature. She couldn’t deal with him anymore. She got swept up in the engagement last Christmas, but then their schedules got crazy and she realized it wasn’t the right decision.”
See? That’s why you don’t get engaged at Christmas! It’s too magical! Your brain is all fucked up from deep-throating gingerbread men and guzzling mulled cider and listening to Mariah Carey goat yodeling about snow-covered soul mates to realize that you’re making a huge mistake! Trust me, a dude in a stained Slipknot t-shirt could drop down on one knee at the gas station, pull a damp $10 ring out of his sneaker, burp “You wanna do this?“, and you’d be like “OMG look – it’s snowing! THIS IS SO MAGICAL! Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!”
That’s why people should get engaged on Tax Day instead. If you can get through the mental anguish of doing your taxes with someone else and STILL want to pop the question, then it’s meant to be.