QOTD: Niecy Nash Thinks The Key To A Happy Marriage Is Sucking Your Husband’s Peen Every Day

Why do I have a feeling that minutes before that picture was taken, Niecy Nash “kept her husband happy” in the car and she’s still got a souvenir in her mouth?

I knew Niecy Nash was in Getting On, Reno 911, Clean House, The Soul Man, Hair Show and Cookie’s Fortune, but I had no idea she had a PhD in couples therapy. I mean, that’s why someone gave her money to write a book about marriage and relationships, right? Niecy has a book out called It’s Hard To Fight Naked and while talking about it with Playboy, she said that men are simpletons who are happy as long as they have a hot meal in their mouth and a hot mouth on their dick.

Dr. Niecy, who definitely has a masters in blow jobs, basically admitted to giving her second husband of 3 years a beej every day and says that the glue that holds a marriage together is the cum you suck out of your man’s dick. And suddenly, Niecy’s Getting On co-stars now know why her breath always smells like goat milk and chlorine.

What I say in the book is, “A BJ a day keeps the divorce attorney away” and I say that because I feel like men are profoundly simplistic, which is the reason I wanted to call my book what I used as the title of chapter three, which is, “Stomach Full, Penis Empty: A Woman’s Guide to a Happy Marriage.” Keeping him fed and drained, you have no problem. We are really more complicated than they are and I think that women are more generous with oral sex because we nurture by nature. We want to be pleasing by nature, that’s in our DNA, so I think that a lot of the behavior we’re looking for sexually, you might have to educate your partner. Sometimes, men just assume they’re going to get it and you need to be like, “Give me mine. Ladies first.”

Stomach Full, Penis Empty?! I’m going to need Niecy to explain that one to me. Does she mean that wives should suck their husbands off while feeding him fettuccine alfredo? Or does she mean that wives should swallow? Or does she mean that snowballing is the secret to a long-lasting marriage? I’m going to go with the last one, so open up and say aaaaah, husbands.

The anti-Peg Bundy also says that getting her uterus taken out was the greatest thing she’s ever done, because now she and her husband can screw without worrying about making babies. I guess Niecy doesn’t know about condoms or birth control, but in her defense, she doesn’t have time to research such things since she’s always gargling peen and making dinner.

And somewhere in the Scientology Centre, John Travolta has taken off his wig and is slow clapping for Niecy, because he has always told Kelly Preston that the key to a successful marriage is sucking dick every day.