Open Post: Hosted By Robert Pattinson’s Rattail Mohawk Or Whatever That Thing Is

November 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Robert Pattinson and Robsten fangirl enemy #2 (after the mental hospital nurse carrying a paper cup full of meds) FKA Twigs left the after-party for her show in NYC early this morning and the paps finally got a shot of what might be lurking underneath his hat. That is some shit you usually see on a dude doing beer shots off of the belly of a chick wearing a Budweiser bikini in the parking lot of a Nascar race.

Is it a hairy beavertail? Is it a matted down mohawk? Is it an extra chunky rattail that’s been flattened by a house slipper? Is it a used wax strip from Khloe Kardashian’s morning butt waxing session? Did RPattz’s hair once again get into a fight with a pair of clippers set to HERP DERP and lost?¬†One thing I know for sure is that the magical unicorns who used to frolic through RPattz’s enchanted forest hair years and years ago are definitely forever dead, because that pussy patch creature thing living under his hat mauled and ate the last ones. RPattz’s dome is now a graveyard full of sadness and unicorn ghosts.

The creature that lives under his hat should’ve done FKA Twigs a favor last night by crawling out from under RPattz’s hat to lick off that eye makeup, because the strung out raccoon look is not doing good things for her.

Pics: Splash

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