Mick Hucknall (more like Mick Fucknall, amirite?), lead singer for the band Simply Red, working prototype for Ed Sheeran, and the voice that conceived a million babies in the 80s and 90s, recently spoke to The Telegraph (via Daily Mail) about the upcoming 30th anniversary tour for Simply Red, and just like any time you talk to a former panty-dropper from the 80s, the conversation turned to sex.
According to horny ginger folklore, Mick spent most of his Simply Red years in a never-ending ‘hit it/quit it/check for a rash’ pussy stupor and got his hump on with at least 1000 ladies. But since it’s a little hard to believe that a dude who looks like Latchboy from Hook if he left Neverland and became a Hollywood talent scout was once eyeball deep in groupies, The Telegraph asked if that number is correct:
“It probably is. I don’t keep count. I’ve no idea, but I would think over a 25-year period that’s probably reasonable to say. It’s like kids in a candy store. There’s girls chasing you all the time. When you’re 24 you don’t give a toss.”
I wonder if he ever tried to pick up using the line “If I don’t know me by now…would you like to? Meet me backstage in 3 minutes.”
Okay, back to Mick fucking 1000 ladies. I want to believe 1000 is a high number, but the slut in me says that number is actually on the low side. Let’s do the math: 1000 ladies divided by 25 years equals 40 laid ladies per year, which works out to about 3 each month. Only 3 a month?!? That’s nothing for a true slut! I’m sorry Mick, but I’m going to have to ask you to hand in your slutty pop star card. Either that, or you need to start taking better care documenting your fucks. Get a better system, Mick!