I’m Guessing One Of Those 99 Problems Is Finding A Decent In-House Photoshop Team

November 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Our Lady of Liquefy Tool Beyonce celebrated another successful week of being Beyonce by releasing a couple amateur sexyface modeling shots to her Tumblr, aka her online Barbizon portfolio. And once again, it appears that her Photoshop project manager Basement Baby decided to take a nap on an old pile of unsold House of Dereon jeans instead of going over each shot with a magnifying glass LIKE SHE’S SUPPOSED TO, because another Body by Still Learning How To Use The Blur Tool picture was posted. Get your shit together, Basement!

Part of me wants to call up Adobe and ask if they offer an on-site tutorial on waist cinching, but I think the real problem here is Beyonce. Beyonce is clearly too confident in the skills of her team of Photoshop artistes! Why else would she stand in front of vertical stripes? Beyonce should know by now that unless she wants a busted mess of wonky-ass warped lines around her waist and thighs, she cannot stand in front of a striped background! It doesn’t matter how much attention Bey tries to draw down to her SpongeBob SquarePants-looking thigh gap, all I see is that fabric fun house mirror behind her!

And I guess I’m still really confused by one thing: if you’re going to go to the trouble of Photoshopping your waist, thighs, thigh gap, pussy, tits, arms, and face, why stop at the puckered butt holes in your arm pits? That would be the first thing I would want gone! Erase my armpit butt holes!

Pics: Tumblr, Instagram

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