Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 10, 2014 / Posted by:

The strawberry hard candy that everybody’s grandma, auntie and teacher seem to always have a stash of!

I don’t know the history of these shiny-wrapped drops of strawberry deliciousness and I have no idea how they just magically appear at the bottom of your memaw’s pocketbook. It feels like these have been around since before the beginning of time and I bet Methuselah’s nana kept these in her purse and gave them to him when he needed to be entertained by something shiny and sugary. The question, “What came first: the actual strawberry or the strawberry hard candy with the soft center?”, is not a question that can ever be answered.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen these for sale at any store, but yet they’re everywhere. When a teacher becomes a teacher, they get a packet of magic strawberry candy seeds so they can grow these in their apartment or backyard. When a memaw or pepaw turns 65, AARP send them a map to the hidden aisle in the Dollar Tree that sells these child taming candies.

But I do know where my abuelita got her stash of strawberry hard candies. Nearly every Chinese restaurant we went to had a bowl of these candies on the host table and eventually everything in that bowl would find its way into my abuelita’s pocketbook. There could be 10 hosts guarding that bowl of strawberry hard candies and an abuelita will still find a way to empty it into her purse without any of them knowing shit. Every abuelita is a strawberry hard candy ninja.

The best thing about being a pepaw or memaw (besides the fact that you get a free pass to yell at brats) is that when you reach into your pocket, a strawberry hard candy with the soft center magically fills your hand.

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