TLC’s equally as trashy, outdoorsy brother, the Discovery Channel, announced yesterday that they have filmed and will air a special where naturist Paul Rosolie gets swallowed whole by a giant anaconda. An actual anaconda, by the way. I wish he fed himself to Jon Hamm’s Hammaconda. Now that is a special I’d watch.
Entertainment Weekly says that in the Discovery special titled “Eaten Alive,” which splatters onto TV screens December 7th, Paul puts on a custom snake-proof suit (which I’m guessing is the same kind of suit that Kim Kartrashian’s doctor wears when he examines her b-hole) and then covers himself in pig’s blood before feeding himself to the anaconda. Discovery swears it’s not a hoax, but wouldn’t spit up anymore details like how much of Paul’s body ends up in the snake or how he gets out. Entertainment Weekly thinks that his custom snake-proof suit had a cord attached to it which made it easy-ish for him to be pulled out of the snake. I blame Nicki Minaj for this.
PETA is always on time with their outrage, so a quick minute after Discovery announced this act of pure fuckery, they slapped at the network and Paul with this statement:
“This blatant publicity stunt sounds far-fetched, but if the description is accurate, the snake was tormented and suffered for the sake of ratings—as animals usually do when they’re used for entertainment. Anacondas go days without eating and expend the energy needed to do so selectively. Making this snake use up energy by swallowing this fool and then possibly regurgitating him would have left the poor animal exhausted and deprived of the energy that he or she needs. Shame on this pseudo ‘wildlife expert’ for tormenting this animal, and shame on the Discovery Channel for giving him the incentive to do so. PETA has not heard back after reaching out to the Discovery Channel asking them to pull the show, whether it is a hoax or not.”
Paul tweeted that he doesn’t hurt animals and you’ll just have to watch the special before judging the stunt.
I say this every time I shave my pubes into a seasonal mascot for the holidays: Us humans have really run out of shit to do with ourselves. Paul wrapping himself in a snake-proof suit before shoving himself down an anaconda’s throat is like someone wrapping a delicious In-N-Out Double Double in a human-proof suit before shoving it down my throat. In life, there’s rarely a point to anything, but what is the point of this?
Besides, a grown man getting devoured whole by a snake has been seen on TV before. I mean, hasn’t Paul ever seen old episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8?