The Deaner Says The Deaner Is Done With “True Tori”

November 6, 2014 / Posted by:

NOOOOOOO! Say it ain’t so! STOP THE RIDE, I WANT TO GET OFF. I don’t want to live in a world without The Deaner’s derpy mug gracing my TV screen every week! I mean, not that it currently is (come on, I don’t watch that shit); but what if I wanted to start? Again, not that I would. STILL! This news is breaking my little beady-eyed sex possum loving heart! During an interview with Access Hollywood Live yesterday, The Deaner answered the question “What’s crappenin’?” by admitting he was saying smell ya later to True Tori barely 3 episodes in to the second season:

“We have five more shows left. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep opening a vein, opening my soul and sharing my feelings and thoughts and demons with the world. I don’t watch it. I can’t. It’s really difficult. I can’t do it anymore, for my soul.”

However, that doesn’t mean he’s also saying sayonara to his Admiral Ackbar-in-drag wife; The Deaner made it very clear to Billy Bush and The Other One that The Deaner is still in love with his long-term paycheck Tori Spelling.

The Deaner also confessed that True Tori had taken a pretty heavy emotional toll on him; The Deaner says that at one point, he was so depressed after Tori caught him passing his possum parts to random tricks, that he ended up driving around in his truck one night with a 9mm handgun, which then lead to The Deaner being held under a 5150 hold at the UCLA psych ward. Damn, shit just got dark.

But back to The Deaner quitting True Tori. I wonder how he did it? Oh, what do you know – I just so happen to have a copy of the email he sent Lifetime right here!

What up skanks? Listen, The Deaner’s got some bad news for ya. The Deaner needs to cool it with the reality show for a bit. Acting is hard work! And when it comes to working hard, The Deaner’s more of a “hardly working” type, you feel me? Listen, if you still need me for a couple scenes, I’ll be out back in the hammock with a brewski resting on the ol’ pork sword.

Honestly, True Tori is so fake, I bet they’ll just re-cast The Deaner, Bewitched-style, and pretend we won’t notice.

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