I hear you saying to yourself, “But was it Parasite Hilton… but was it Parasite Hilton… but was it Parasite Hilton…”
Anybody who watches the diamante-covered silicone turd that is The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills knows that Kim Richards’ pit bull, Kingsley (seen above screaming “HELP” with his Tiny eyes), is an absolute mess. Like owner, like dog, right? And I say that as the human of a chihuahua who does everything he does like nap for hours on end, sniff ass and twirl when he sees a piece of beef jerky. During one episode, Kim hired dog trainer David Utter to help her control Kingsley and when Kingsley came at him, he did the professional dog training move of trying to kick the dog in the head. (If you’re like me, then that sentence will make you want to watch You Kick My Dog again.) Cesar Milan calls that move the “not calm and not submissive move.”
Kim had a hard time controlling Kingsley, so it’s not exactly shocking that he attacked a human. Two days ago, the basic cable Demi Moore, Kyle Richards, Instagramm’d this picture of her and her daughters having a hospital room slumber party. Kyle said that her 18-year-old daughter Alexia was laid up in the hospital after getting attacked by a vicious dog, to which all of us said, “Okay, which one of those crazy bitches on the Real Housewives went too far this time and attacked a castmate’s child?”
TMZ says that Kingsley is the dog who mauled Alexia’s hand. Over the weekend, Kyle and her daughters were hanging out at Kim’s house when “out of nowhere” Kingsley went Cujo on Alexia. Kingsley bit Alexia’s finger to the bone and she had to have several surgeries. Animal Control was never called and Kingsley is still living at Kim’s house. Animal Services won’t do anything about the attack unless Alexia or another family member reports Kingsley. Kingsley apparently has a file with Animal Services, because he’s attacked several dogs and people including Kim’s friend who had to get attention from paramedics after he bit into her arm.
Never mind that Kim Richards shouldn’t own a half-broken Tamagotchi let alone a living and breathing pit bull, look at Kingsley’s surroundings. Kingsley is surrounded by a bunch of rabid, insane messes who constantly bark and go after each other. They all need to spend time in Victoria Stilwell’s dog training camp. I’m actually surprised that Andy Cohen hasn’t slapped a weave, a chunky rhinestone necklace and a silky blouse on Kingsley and made him a Real Housewife. I’d like to see Brandi Glanville accuse Kingsley of doing meth in the bathroom.