Stevie Wonder Is Going To Be A Dad For The 9th, 10th And 11th Time

Yup, 9 months after this picture of Stevie Wonder pressing his fertile dick wand against that keytar was taken, it gave birth to his babies. Tickling the ivories, indeed.

I always praise KFed and Lil Wayne as the fertile, baby-making jizz gods of the celebrity world and I’ve been wrong this whole time. Because all of the praise needs to go to Stevie “The 8th World” Wonder and his army of potent, ovary egg-busting sperm fishes. If you bareback bone Stevie Wonder, there’s a 100% chance that your doctor will call you a few weeks later to say, “I just caaaaaaaaalled to saaaaaay YOU PREGNANT.” Stevie already has 8 kids with 5 different women and Page Six says that he’s about to be a father to triplets.

Some source says that 64-year-old Stevie’s 40-year-old girlfriend of a year Tomeeka Robyn Bracy is knocked up with a trio of fetuses. The source doesn’t say whether or not Stevie overjizzed his girlfriend naturally or if it was an IVF situation and he fapped into a plastic cup. If it’s the latter, that plastic cup is also pregnant. The only thing the source said is that Tomeeka’s got a gut full of Wonder babies and making babies makes him happy:

“It’s Stevie’s mechanism for his happiness. I don’t know that he set out to have 11 children, including triplets at his age, but it’s not like he isn’t happy about it or he can’t afford children.”

Tomeeka birthed out Stevie’s 8th child just last year. Stevie’s eldest kid, singer Aisha Morris, is 39. Stevie’s rep didn’t have shit to say about this.

Sitting at a high school graduation is hell, but sitting at a high school graduation when you’re 80-something years old sounds like hell’s hell. Who wants to suffer through that? But if Pepaw Stevie wants to spend his “vodka and prune juice on the lanai at 3pm” phase of life getting slobbered on by a baby, then good for him. I’m sure the workers in the child support check payment processing industry thank for him the job security. And before you slut shame Stevie Wonder for having 11 kids with 5 baby mothers, did you ever stop to think that maybe he thought he was busting raw nuts up into the same trick all these years?