Even though Taylor Swift is richer than Jesus, The Monopoly Man, and Scrooge McDuck combined, AND makes a million dollars every time she’s photographed walking out of her apartment looking like a limited edition My Size American Girl doll (I’m assuming she gets paid for that shit), AND just announced she’s going on tour, which means she’ll be stuffing even more dollar bills into her retro high-waisted shorts, AND the fact that her album 1989 has already gone triple-rhodium on Earth, Mars, and Uranus, Taylor Swift isn’t about to let any of us listen to Shake It Off without getting a handful of cash first.
According to BuzzFeed, Sweet Valley Swifty broke up with music streaming service Spotify, and they are never ever getting back together. Well, at least until they can come to an agreement on Tay Tay’s “Fuck you, pay me” policy. Taylor never gave a reason why she yanked all her albums off Spotify, but the speculation is that it either has to do with Tay Tay Butterscotch Sundae wanting more cash or her record label, Big Machine, trying to sell itself for $200 million and not wanting to appear as though they’re just giving music away for free. Currently Tay Tay is still hustling the rest of her breakup songs on iTunes, Google Play, Pandora, and Rdio.
Spotify responded this morning by writing an open letter to Taylor begging her to come back, making it the first time in history that Taylor Swift split with someone and they were the ones to release a sad confessional about their break-up.
I don’t know anything about making money on the internet (unless you count posting in the misc. section of Craigslist), but if Tay Tay yanked all her songs off Spotify because she wasn’t making enough money, then she might also want to have a word with radio stations. Yesterday I drove to IKEA, and the whole way there it was nothing but Shake It Off. Pop station? Shake It Off. Classic Rock station? Shake It Off. 101.5 Classical FM? Shake It Off. Then when I got to IKEA, they were playing a Swedish version of Shake It Off called Skakë It Børt. I must have heard that shit 6,374 times, and I didn’t pay her a single cent! Tay Tay, get on that! You’re losing money!