Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 3, 2014 / Posted by:

Dan Piraro, cartoonist, illustrator, fashion icon and host of the now dead reality show Utopia!

The two of us (and that’s being really, really generous) who watched Utopia  got some tragic news yesterday afternoon when FOX finally put their $50 million “social experiment” turned reality shit show out of its misery by canceling it after two months. If PBS’ Frontier House gorged itself on Big Brother and a failed game of Civilization, it would eventually shit out the US version of Utopia. FOX thought they were going to change the face of reality TV when they dropped a bunch of strangers in a compound in California and gave them the tools they needed to start a new society. They had to order food, make their own money, grow crops and figure out what kind of government they wanted. It was pretty much a mess from the beginning and my 8th grade student council would’ve done a better job at starting a new society. Cameras were placed all over the compound so every fight, fuck and move was captured and broadcast to the world (or the 2 people who watched). There was a live feed and this mess was supposed to last an entire year.

I watched it from the beginning and it had its moments. There were some hot Utopians including an ex-convict who fought with everyone, a turtle ass-looking, moonshine-making hillbilly who Not The Mama June would totally bone if he was a convicted felon and the star of the show, Bella, a mentally unstable Goldie Hawn wannabe who wanted to fuck all the dudes and meditated naked in the garden. There was also a pregnant chick who was supposed to give birth in there. She probably has the queefs in a major way today, because her unborn baby keeps blowing out huge sighs of relief now that it knows it won’t be born in a barn on a live feed.

And then there was today’s HSOTD, the host Dan Piraro. Dan Piraro never interacted with the Utopians. He just introduced each episode while dressed up in Steampunk dandy cosplay. He looked like the bartender at a Firefly-themed restaurant. The show didn’t need him and needed him at the same time. And now his face is off of my TV screen.

Utopia, which was based on a hit Dutch show, debuted two months ago to flop ratings and it never caught on. After FOX canceled the show yesterday, they immediately turned off the live feeds and said that last Friday’s episode was the show’s finale. The Utopians were told yesterday that the show was killed and they’ve been released back into the wild. Personally I think FOX should’ve locked all the Utopians in there, stopped giving them food and let them each other alive as Dan Piraro watched from the top of a hill while sipping ginger beer from a copper mug.

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