Angie Harmon and her retired football player husband Jason Sehorn, The Heart Family of the Republican party, are officially and publicly done with each other’s asses after 15 years of being together and 13 years of marriage. This is a whole lot of NOT SHOCKING to those of you who believe the blind items and who threw a well well well side-eye at Angie when she took out a restraining order against her stalker and didn’t include her husband in it.
Yesterday, the couple who always look like they fell out of a Ralph Lauren ad circa 1991 farted up a statement through her rep saying the same canned shit that celebs always say when they split up:
“For the sake of their children, they ask for respect and privacy as they navigate this time in their lives.”
People brought out an old quote that Angie made a few years ago when talking about how she and her family have a long-distance relationship. Angie’s show Rizzoli & Isles, the gayest non-gayest show on basic cable, shoots in L.A. and her family is based in Charlotte, North Carolina so she doesn’t get to see her kids that often.
“We don’t get out Friday nights early enough to catch a flight home. So I’m here [in L.A.]. We sometimes meet in Texas, a 2½-hour flight for both of us. I miss my kids, so it’s hard, but my children are so understanding.”
People probably burped up that quote because it’s their way of saying that Angie and Jason’s marriage died due to distance. But I don’t think that’s it. I would think that not seeing your husband’s face for long periods on end is the key to a long-lasting, happy marriage.
By the way, their kids’ names are: Emery Hope, Avery Grace and Finley Faith. Those names sound like a cross between the names of small town churches and the characters in a best-selling young adult Christian novel.
Angie and Jason were always the picture perfect portrait of rich Christian conservative America to me, so this news is kind of shocking. No, it’s not shocking that they’ve split up. It’s shocking that they didn’t break up after some sort of tabloid scandal. Where are the tabloid stories about how Jason got caught tap dancing for peen in a public bathroom or the stories about how Angie is a pill popper who is having an affair with her back alley pharmacist? If this week’s National Enquirer doesn’t include an interview from the dude who claims he and Jason had a post-tap dancing fap session in the stall of an airport men’s bathroom, I’m going to be really disappointed in the both of them.