These inspirational pictures of Germany’s official country flower and my idol Micaela Schaefer are a week old, but I’ve been saving them for this special day. It’s only right to worship the Queen of Slutoween on the actual day.
Not a day goes by when Germany’s answer to Duchess Kate (I know, that’s not a fair comparison since Micaela is way more classy and captivating than DK) isn’t posing 95% naked at Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. But last week, she outdid herself by dressing up as a three-tittied snail woman in intergalactic hooker boots and a delicate autumn leaf poon pasty for Halloween. I don’t know what I just wrote there and I don’t know what Germany’s Patron Saint of Elegance is supposed to be. But I do know she delivered and then some.
Leave it to Micaela Schaefer to show everyone how it’s really done. Why bother with a stupid costume and all that fabric? All you need is a wooden snail beaver backpack thing, white ribbon, exquisite stripper boots, an autumn leaf, some double-sided twat tape, a shoddy, discount plastic third tit and an air of confidence that lets everyone around you know that yes, they are staring at the new definition of perfection and no, they will never ever lay eyes on anything as perfect as you.
Everyone should just stay home in their sweats this weekend and wallow in a puddle of defeat, because Micaela Schaefer won the top Slutoween prize already. No other entries are needed.
Happy Hallowpeen all! And in case you haven’t already figured out that every Micaela Schaefer gallery is NSFW, these pictures are NSFW.