Skin cancer first started fucking with Hugh JackMeOff last November when his loyal beard wife Deborra-Lee Furness told him that he needed to get a mark on his nose checked out by a doctor. That mark turned out to be basal cell carcinoma. Doctors cut it out of his nose and that was that. But six months later in May, that bitch ass cancer showed up on Hugh’s nose again. Once again, doctors removed it. Well, cancer is a stubborn piece of shit that can never take a hint, so it showed up on Hugh’s nose for a third time.
Hugh’s rep tells People that he’s doing okay after getting cancer scooped out of his nose for a third time. The rep said that basal cell carcinoma is really treatable if you catch it early. Ever since cancer made an appearance on Hugh’s nose, he’s been sunscreen’s #1 peddler and tells everyone to bathe in the stuff every day. Today, Hugh threw this up on Instagram:
I get that Hugh is telling everybody to protect themselves from that asshole cancer by wrapping their bodies in an SPF condom, but did he really need to bring that song into it? That song played at every single graduation in 1998 and I almost forgot about it. When the clock hit midnight on January 1, 1999, we all breathed out a hot sigh of relief, because we were hoping the year would be free of that goddamn sunscreen song. And Hugh just had to bring it back.
Since Hugh has made it one of his missions in life to get everyone lubed up with SPF, he should set up sunscreen booths all over the place and personally apply the stuff on our bodies with his hands. We’d all wear sunscreen all the time if he did that. But he better rub some low SPF between the cracks, because when I make the birds cry in pain by sunbathing naked, I like to get some sun in that no-no area. (Yes, I’m the gay Shailene Woodley.) It too needs some Vitamin D. Well, it needs two kinds of Vitamin D if I ain’t being too subtle.