Dealing with the insane pressure of being a top-level dramatic mess of a fame whore while working tirelessly to come up with new and even-more shameless ways to pimp out her made-up relationship problems to the media has finally taken its toll on Tori Spelling. Multiple sources close to Tori have told TMZ that Donna Martin is having a nervous breakdown. Apparently Tori’s “Ebola scare” was as fake as her tits (SHOCKING, I know), and the real reason she checked herself into Cedars-Sinai last weekend was to deal with some heavy emotional shit.
The sources (let’s just for a moment pretend they weren’t actually Tori at a Cedars-Sinai payphone in a pair of Groucho glasses) claim that Tori is in a bad way because her marriage to The Beady-Eyed Canadian Sex Possum (aka The Deaner) is a fucking mess. The Deaner apparently tried to hire a nanny who Tori thought would put the kids at risk. He’s also been missing AA meetings. “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing ’em!” – The Deaner.
Tori is also stressed the fuck out because she and The Deaner have no money. They’ve blown through her $800,000 inheritance, and she believes that both her television/movie career and reality fame whore days are over. The sources go on to say that she’s started faking illnesses to get attention (Ebola) but she’s faking too much and now she’s really sick. Just like she was totally maybe pregnant? Speaking of shamelessly trying to drum up some ratings for her reality show, Tori posted the above hospital selfie to Instagram yesterday with the following caption:
“This sick in hospital I finally see how quickly life can take it all away frm you. We all need 2 step up frm inside& go 4 it! W/our friends by our side. Sadly I’ve finally faced truth that 1 person will never be there 4 me #TrueTori“
Oh my god, I wonder who that 1 person could be??? Wait a minute…this Instagram comment that I totally didn’t just make up might explain things!
“@torispelling: What’s crappenin? U still in the hospital? Damn, u look like shit! Hey, is it cool if I swing by the ICU and grab some cash? The Deaner is running low on brewski funds and Poppa Possum be thirsty! Smell ya later! BTW – save me some Jello?“
No Tori! Don’t give him any of your hospital Jello! He doesn’t deserve it!