Taylor Swift, the come-to-life Russian nesting doll comprised of an 83-year-old cookie-baking granny inside a 12-year-old part-time babysitter inside a melodramatic 24-year-old woman with a cat fetish with the heart of a whipped cream-covered butterscotch sundae, recently confessed to The Sun (via The Daily Mail) that she hasn’t been to nary a single drive-in movie or strawberry social with a gentleman caller in 18 months. But don’t you shed a single tear for Sweet Valley Swift – she’s happy that nobody’s been into her down-low peppermint rose garden in over a year, because it has given her more time to get to know (cue Lifetime-sounding music)…herself.
“I get stressed when I think about getting into a relationship because I get beat up in the press whenever I go near a boy. So you can understand why I’m taking a bit of a break. A relationship is not in my brain right now. Staying single has been the best thing I have done… I’m not wary of getting into another relationship. I’m just protective of my independence and freedom, more protective than I have been before. I always thought, ‘What could be better than to love someone and be loved back?’ I finally found what it is to love yourself and not need anyone to love you back.”
Tay Tay, why you lie?? There’s no way she quit the boys cold-turkey for a whole 18-months. I bet there’s a half-eaten Duncan Hines Brownie Husband sitting in Tay Tay’s apartment right now (we’ll know for sure if she writes a song called “Lover With A Melted Chocolate Heart” sometime in the next 10 months).
The only thing I don’t want to think about is Taylor’s “love yourself” comment. My brain is NOT prepared to handle the image of Tay Tay lighting a couple dozen vanilla-scented candles and ‘tending to her rose garden’, so to speak. That’s between Tay Tay and her vibrating Sailor Moon wand.
And to prove that relationships with boys are not on her brain right now, here’s Tay Tay performing that song about her relationship with Harry Styles on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night in the middle of Hollywood Blvd. She has truly moved on!
Here’s more of Tay Tay serving up some Upper East Side Fly Girl realness on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night.