The “Fifty Shades Of Grey” Sex Scenes Are Being Reshot Because They Suck

October 23, 2014 / Posted by:

I recently watched a gay porn where one dude was giving another dude a facial and the dude getting a facial acted like cold, old oatmeal was going to come out of that dick. His mouth said, “Oh yeah, give it to me,” in a monotone voice, but his facial expression said, “Can we get this over with, because Scandal is on tonight and I want to stop at Trader Joe’s to get some wine.” If UsWeekly (via The Daily Mail) is telling the truth, then the Fifty Shades of Shit sex scenes are about as awkward and un-sexy as that gay porn scene I watched.

Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson were back in Vancouver last week for re-shoots (pictures below) and a source says they reshot a lot of the fuck scenes. The source says that in the original footage they shot, Dakota lies there like a week-old dead fish and the producers weren’t into it, because they’re making Fifty Shades of Grey, not The Kim Kardashian Story.

A source who works on the set told Us Magazine the original shots weren’t passionate and the directors were disappointed by the stars’ lack of chemistry. Another source accused Johnson of not playing her role “sexy enough”, and that her character should be “naive, not a dishrag.”

But a different source tells E! that producers are happy with the footage they have, but they just wanted more filler footage. Uh huh, I bet they wanted him to filler with his footage.

I thought that Anastasia Aluminum Foil chick was supposed to be a dish rag? I thought that if a fairy godmother appeared in your kitchen and turned that old dish rag under your sink into a human, it would look like, act like and be named Anastasia Steele. Isn’t she supposed to lie there like a snoring sloth as Christian Grey whips her with her tampon or whatever? If the producers want the movie’s sex scenes to be “passionate,” then methinks they hired the wrong actress. They should plop a mousey, dishwater brown wig onto the head of Dakota’s mother, Melanie Griffith, and get her to be her daughter’s sex scene double, because she knows how to do a sex scene. Better yet, they should flush all the footage they have into the toilet and reshoot the whole thing with Melanie and Don Johnson in the lead roles.

Pics: Splash

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