We’ve all been there. We’ve all ended up in a booth at KFC after our bastard live-in piece dumped us. We’ve all tried to drown our feelings with chicken wings, french fries and that gross tub of lawnmower barf they try to pass as coleslaw. We’ve all woken up in a puddle of our drool and biscuit crumbs on a KFC table and have watched the sun set 7 times as our salty tears fall into a Styrofoam tub full of mashed potatoes. We’ve all kept the bathroom door shut with one foot as we wash the 3-day stank out of our chonies in the sink. It has happened to all of us and it happened to 26-year-old Tan Shen of Chengdu in China.
When some hos get dumped, they fill the cracks of their broken heart with wine, cupcake batter and Waiting To Exhale and other hos take the Brit Brit route by gobbling up chicken wings until the sadness is drowned by the wet shits you get from eating buckets and buckets of KFC (or until the heartbreak becomes a heart attack). Tan Shen took the latter route. HuffPo says that when Tan Shen’s boyfriend broke up with her ass, she took her broken heart to a 24-hour KFC to eat some chicken wings and before she knew it, it was a week later. BEEN THERE!
“I was walking around feeling miserable and decided to stop off at the KFC at the train station. I hadn’t planned on staying there long, I just wanted some chicken wings. But once I got in there and started eating I decided I needed time to think. I didn’t want to go back to my apartment because it was full of memories of him. So I stayed.”
It took an employee several days to realize that Tan Shen had practically moved in. One employee asked her if she was okay and she said she needed time to think before asking for another box of chicken wings and extra large fries. The employees let her stay since she wasn’t bothering anyone and kept buying shit.
After a week went by, the media found out about Tan Shen’s forever alone moment in a KFC and reporters started bothering her. So she said goodbye to the booth that should be named after her and checked out:
“I decided the best thing to do would be to leave the city and go back to my parents. I had already told work I was off sick, so phoned them and said I was leaving. And I was getting sick of the taste of chicken so there was no point in staying there anymore.”
It’s a good thing she didn’t walk into one of those KFC/Taco Bells or she would’ve had to have her mail forwarded there.
This is like The Terminal if The Terminal was a rom-com starring Jennifer Aniston. Tan Shen is truly all of us. She gives no finger licking fucks and if she needs to sit in a KFC for a week to think and eat chicken wings, then that’s what she’s going to do.
If Tan Shen is looking for a new man, she should have no problem finding one. She’s eaten so much KFC that her coochie juices probably taste like 11 herbs and spices. Sorry, Mama June, the bad news is that you’re never getting back together with Sugar Bear. He’s on a plane to China now. The good news is that now you have an excellent reason to move into a KFC for 7 days.