According to TMZ, Jennifer Lopez – the Barbie to Ariana Grande’s Skipper (you know, if Skipper was created at a Bratz factory located in the 7th circle of Hell) – is in the middle of negotiating a residency at The Axis at Planet Hollywood. Did you just hear that? Literally every JLo impersonator in Nevada just threw their best pair of padded ass panties across the room in a fit of rage.
TMZ says that JLo is being offered $350,000 per show for 72 shows (3 times a week for 24 weeks) over a one-to-two year period. JLo would join another shimmering jewel from the early 2000’s TRL-era, Britney Spears, who is currently performing at The Axis. To put JLo’s $350,000 per show into perspective, Brit Brit only makes $310,000 a show but she gets 96 shows over a two-year period, which means she ends up making more money in the end (because it would be a crime not to pay the Chicken-Fried Princess of Kentwood anything less than top dollar). In case you’re bad at math, Britney is getting almost $30 million to lip-synch “Baby One More Time”, while JLo would get a little over $26 million to lip-synch “Love Don’t Cost A Thing”. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here getting paid NOTHING to lip-synch RuPaul’s “Peanut Butter” at my desk all day. RUDE!
I’m not sure how I feel about JLo bringing her sexy Miami cougar realness to Las Vegas, but I think I like it? JLo can still break it off, dance-wise, and I bet she’ll be a real treat after 3 or 4 of those $8 booze-filled slushies you can buy everywhere on the strip. Not to mention she’d make an excellent Cristal Connors if her and Brit Brit ever want to do a Showgirls-themed number together. Oh my god – Planet Hollywood, I don’t care how much it costs, PLEASE make that happen!