Sadly, there’s no video from the actual fistfight between Alaskan teen mom sweetheart Bristol Palin and the owner of the house where she got into a messy drunken brawl with her Ski-Doo Crew, but I’m sure you could watch a video of two racoons fighting over a trash can and it would be basically the same thing. Until then, please enjoy the audio of Bristol giving a statement to the police. Don’t worry, it’s just as messy! It has to be – it’s the Palin way!
During the conversation, which was recorded by Anchorage police and obtained by TMZ, Bristol bring the drama by drunkenly crying that it all started when some old lady walked up and pushed her little sister, which triggered Bristol to hiss “Oh fuckin’ hell no“, aka the redneck equivalent of “Oh here go hell come“. Bristol then gets out of what she calls “the limo” (I assume “the limo” is a nickname for their nicest truck), but before she can find the bitch responsible, a dude knocks her to the ground in her camo-print “thong dress”(the Slut Dress has an Alaskan hillbilly cousin, I see), the proceeds to call her “you slut, you fuckin’ cunt, you fuckin’ this” and drags her ass across the grass by her feet. “Aw, Todd did the same thing on our wedding night.” – Sarah Palin.
But the thing Bristol seems most upset about isn’t that her 5-year-old was in the car the whole time (he was, again – it’s the Palin way) or that her glamorous-sounding thong dress was damaged. It’s that someone made off with her $300 sunglasses! HER $300 SUNGLASSES! Now how will she hide the hangover in her eyes every morning?
And in case you want to see the injuries Bristol sustained, here are the police pictures after the brawl. All I really care about is whether or not the camo-print thong dress is okay! Will it require any stitches?? Pray 4 camo-print thong dress!